


Veni. Vidi. Amavi.

by Trevi



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Abandonment Issues, And traveling, Depression, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Health Issues, Love, Multi, Trust Issues, Xenophobia, also, domestic abuse, light Violence, rad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-01-17 18:38:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 38,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12371673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trevi/pseuds/Trevi
Summary: Short boy with piss-olive skin and vomit green eyes attempts to stay calm, fails miserably. French drama queen seeks attention and love, is flipped off and kicked in the shins. Happy boy is happy to make friends on every occasion, breaks the kneecaps of every person that looks at him funny. Red-eyed white toublemaker attempts to fight a bird, the bird wins and leaves him sobbing. Wicked woman wishes to be an immigrant in the 17th century to confuse people with her crossdressing, is mad at society. This is their story.





	1. Grumpy beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Note 1: Hi guys! Here I come with my second story! This will be a multi-chapter story, dealing with a lot of bad things (ex. depression, RAD, abuse, abandonment issues, eating disorders, problems of today's society and economy, trust issues, swearing etc.), while also dealing with friendship, love, trust and happiness. If you're uncomfortable with these kind of things, then I suggest you don't read it. It will also be kind of educational, as I will try to include facts about all the cities that they would travel through.
> 
> Note 2: I planned exactly 60 chapters, but knowing me, I'll probably go over the limit. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! This is only the prologue so it may be a bit boring(I actually put a lot of effort to make it seem more interesting pfft-) but fear not! It will get more and more interesting as the story unfolds! Please review, I'll appreciate it!
> 
> Note 3: I hope my Spanish doesn't suck balls, if you see a mistake, don't hesitate to correct me!
> 
> Ciao!~

**_“I am a stranger,_ **

**_learning to love the strangers around me.”_ **

_-June Jordan._

_(Carribean-American poet, essayist and activist)_

**XxX**

  


Lovino couldn't believe this.

He's been staring at his phone for over 15 minutes now, wondering why the hell did he put up with other people’s shit when he's only trying to distance himself from them.

He licked his dry lips.

Man, Erzsébet was such a manipulative bitch. No wonder he gave in so easily. Especially if he had a nosy and annoying brother like Veneziano, who couldn't mind his own business and who constantly nagged at Lovino to go on the trip.

He frowned.

Right as he woke up in the morning, drool still on his chin, eyes squinted and with a horrible bedhead, he received a call from a too-delighted Eliza, who begged Lovino to come with her on a trip with her and 'some friends’, or so she vaguely said. Maybe it was because of the early time or because he got only two hours of sleep, or maybe because of Veneziano who constantly kept poking Lovino's cheek, but he said he would be there.

A horrible decision, really.

“Hey, hey! Don't stare at your phone like that ve!~ It's creepy!” Veneziano said, making Lovino snap out of his haze.

“It's not my fucking fault I'm staring like that!” Lovino snapped at him. He jumped from his bed and made his way to take a shower, ignoring his brother’s whines.

“But! You're gonna make friends! Isn't that nice?”

Lovino stopped right as he was about to enter the bathroom and gave Veneziano an annoyed look. “No fucking way.”

And then he slammed the door shut.

He sighed and undressed himself, making his way to the shower. He struggled to make the water not too hot but not too cold either and when he succeded, he entered the stream of water. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the slightly colder water hitting his warm body and then he thought.

He thought about this trip. Eliza said that he should be in the usual café at 12am today to discuss some basic stuff so he couldn't take a long shower.

Last night, Eliza’s albino friend found out that he won at the lottery. _Right_. That guy is rich now, having enough money to run his own company but what do you think he wants to do with all that money?

He's planning a fucking trip around all of Europe.

Utterly stupid.

Especially if Lovino was dragged into this mess too.

He didn't want to go. Call him childish or a murderer but he thought he's going to kill someone on the first day if he ever spend that much time with some idiots that he didn't even know that much about.

He did know Francis thought, oh yes. Surely that wine-loving ass would come on this trip too. After all, he's one of that albino’s friends. He knew him from the IED university. A charming man that dazzles all the rooms and halls with his pretty and flirtatious face, making all the girls flock to him and swoon over him. A real player, really. Hands always manicured, hair always combed and always well-dressed, he could get all the girls he wanted with a single wink.

But he never chose one girl for more than a night.

A shitty reputation he made there. That's why Lovino kind of hated him. He never looked past that grin on the asshole’s face and he intended to keep it that way. Not that he cared anyway.

He knew Erzsébet too well. A girly and also tomboyish girl who was in Lovino’s classes and which mother tongue was too hard for any sane person to understand. She was smart and she could probably lead an entire army if she would live in another life. Always dressed like a dumpster or in some floral dressed and shirts, there is no in between.

She was sensitive and sweet, but damn if you made her angry. She always had some kind of photo for blackmailing people and she wasn't afraid to post them on social media. Freaky.

She was also a huge pervert, but let's not talk about that.

He knew Gilbert too. One of the Beilschmidt's. German. Freakishly white. A damn blogger.

He only met him about two times in the past year but Lovino feels like he knows him too well for his own good. He was the kind of person who had a face that literally screamed 'HEY! LOOK AT ME! I’M GREAT!’ and he was completely the opposite of Francis. No class at all. Only drinks beer. He doesn't flirt with anybody. Loud and irresponsable. And now days even rich.

Lovino hated him too only for the fact that he was related to the 15-years-old potato bastard, Ludwig. Also he was annoying as fuck.

And then there was those two’s other friend. The tomato bastard. The most annoying, bothersome, irritating and at the same time the most _wonderful_ person Lovino's ever met.

He wanted to hate him too, oh how he wanted to wipe that too-bright smile from his tanned face, but he couldn't.

Because he actually loved him.

He was shocked when he realised that on a sunny day, not even 6 months ago. He barely even knew the man at that time and he was also not okay with all of his annoying touching and attention, but it all changed that one day. Or maybe that feeling was there since they met one year ago?

He was strolling through the busy streets of Madrid, camera in hand, massenger bag over his shoulder and a serene and relaxed look plastered on his face when it hit him all at once.

He wasn't even doing or thinking something huge and mesmerising, he just crossed a street and decided to take another route to get home. He rounded a corner and he remembered there was a small flower shop. Lovino didn't know why, but the flower shop seemed to call to him at that time, and so he entered.

There were many kinds of flowers all around the shop- carnations, sunflowers, roses, tulips, orchids- and in the middle of it, at the countertop, there was a guy that didn't even bother to look up from his book and he kept smoking -was that even allowed in here?

Lovino couldn't give two damns about that guy right then so he decided to keep looking at the flowers.

He remembered catching a sign of a pretty tall tomato plant and he instantly thought that Antonio would've _love_ that.

And then it hit him. All the moments he's thinking about him, all those stupid random things that reminded Lovino of him, all those times he tried not to smile at the thought or sight of Antonio, the way his heart always jumped a little everytime Antonio touched him.

He fell in love so fucking suddenly and _hard._

He avoided him 2 whole weeks then until Francis pulled his ass out of his bed and drove to Antonio’s place to “make up already” or so he said.

Another shoking surprise waited at Antonio’s at that time but that's a story for another time.

Why was he even thinking about this _now_?

He sighed and got out of the shower, dried himself up as best as he could and tried to style his hair. After some futile tries he gave up on combing it and just dried his tangled mess of hair as it was. He sighed again and dressed himself in a casual, but _pretty fucking fashionable_ button down with simple jeans, an outfit he could rock like a pro.

He watched himself in the mirror and smirked proudly at himself. Dang, he looked _good_!

If only he didn't have those marks on his arms and bags under his eyes.

**XxX**

After he drowned four cups of coffee in one sit and took his old and rugged messager bag, he ran out of his small apartament, ignoring his brother’s pleadings to eat. He jumped down the stairs and made his way to the café.

It was a pretty café. It was small, but not too small and the huge windows let a warm glow inside of it. The walls were cream coloured and the scattered tables were ornated with small, violet flowers. The same kind of flowers ornated the windowstills, both inside and outside the café. There was the register and on the other side of the room was an ice-cream machine, a tired, but happy-looking Antonio making his way from one to another, trying to please a granny with her niece and a businessman at the same time.

Lovino debated going to greet him but dismissed the thought. Poor guy, he looked histerical, grinning and apologising while holding a tray with a cup of coffee, honey and sugar for the irittated businessman, who had to wait for Antonio to give the small girl her ice-cream first. Heh.

Also there they were. Francis, Eliza and that albino fuck, sitting at one small table, waving excitedly at Lovino like he was the salvation and like he would bring peace to the world.

He rolled his eyes and made his way to them, scanning the room for any avabile chair. He took a random one from a table and flopped himself in the corner, between Eliza and the albino shitface. No way was he going to sit near that hairy, french snail.

“Aww, no love for me, _mon chouchou_?” Said snail pouted, but smirked when Lovino's frown deepened.

“As if.” He crossed his arms and decided to just watch Antonio work.

The white rabbit slapped him on the back, almost making him fall down from his chair. “Cheer up buddy, we're going to be stuck together for a whole summer!” He shouted -he always shouted.

Eliza gave him an irritated look. “Don't slap him like that Gilbert, man, you're such an ass.”

“What? But I didn't do anything!”

Lovino wanted to snap at them both to shut up but then Francis-the-French interrupted their argument with a snap of his fingers.

“Let's not fight, we don't have time for that.” He then turned to Gilbert and raised an eyebrow. “I believe you said you wanted to tell us the details, no?”

Gilbert blinked and then scratched his head, “What?”  

“You know-” Eliza made a vague gesture with her hand, “-the trip? Focus.”

“Oh yeah!” He finally got it and Lovino fought the urge to slap his face in annoyance. _Idiot._ This guy is nothing more than a huge joke.

But nobody could read minds, so Gilbert continued.

“I actually want to wait until Toni makes it out alive from there.” He gestured at the register, where Antonio was making a Cappuccino -really? cappuccino at this time of the day? ugh- for a shabby looking guy.

Antonio apparently heard them because he gave them a smile and he waved. “You guys continue, I hear everything you say!” He then turned to Lovino. “ _Hola_ sweetie!~”

Lovino blushed and waved lazily. “Y-yeah. Hi.”

“ _Can I have my coffee now_?” The shaggy man said impatiently.

“ _Oh! Right! Here_!”

“So anyway,” Gilbert's annoying voice made Lovino snap out of it as he addressed them again. “I was planning a 90 days trip around all of Europe and I wanted you all to come with me since you're my buddies-”

“We're not friends.” Lovino and Erzsébet said at the same time.

Gilbert ignored them and continued “-and I didn't want only the bad touch trio to come since I want more people to experience my **_awesomeness_ ** . I decided that five people are enough to make this _interesting_ so I added the angry Italian kid and the Hungarian glove-wearing bitch!”

The bad touch trio. Francis, Antonio and Gilbert. Three childhood friends with personalities so different, that one might think they would've hated eachother over their differences. But no, here they are, best friends for 15 years and still kicking.

Lovino was envious of their friendship.

He only scoffed. “I’m not a fucking kid, you dumb albino squirrel.”

“And I'm not a bitch, it's not my fault I have this!” Erzsébet flailed around her wrist support gloved hand.

Gilbert ignored her, making her groan in annoyance, and addressed Lovino. “ Uh, yeah, you're a kid. A little kiddo, what are you, twelve?” He grinned mockingly at Lovino's sudden frustrated red face.

“I'm not twelve dammit, I'm nineteen!” He shouted in embrassement and scowled at him.

“Aww, look at that pouty face, you remind me of little Feli!” He laughed.

“Stay the fuck away from Veneziano.” His voice dropped warningly but nobody seemed to be fazed by Lovino’s tries to look and sound intimidating.

“Anyway, I'm bored.” Gilbert swiftly changed the subject, “so are you all in?”

“We didn't even plan anything.” Francis muttered under his breath.

Gilbert heard him and he shrugged. “Well, I'm not gonna do it.”

Lovino slapped himself. “You're the one who wants the goddamned trip to happen!”

“That does not mean I'm good at planning it!”

“Well you should think before saying stupid fucking things then!”

“Hah! Like you're better! With your fu-”

“ENOUGH!”

Erzsébet got up and slammed her hands on the table, making everyone at the table shut up. Antonio almost dropped a danish on a old man and Francis smiled in amusement.

“If you shout I'll have to kick you out.” Antonio warned her but even if he tried to sound convincing, his slightly shaking voice and worried eyes made it clear that he'd hate to kick someone out.

She ignored him, looking intensely between Lovino and Gilbert. “Shut up! I'm gonna do it okay! I'm gonna calculate everything! Just say how much money do you have and it will be done by tomorrow!”

And then she sat down in her seat, out of breath and still frowning at Gilbert's shocked face.

He then smirked. “Damn, alright, no need to get mad!”

“Cut the crap, Gil.”

“I have 40000 euros, is that enough for your highness?”

She just ignored him. “Right. Lovino, do you have anything to say?” She raised an eyebrow.

Oh shit, she knew. She knew about his trip to Italy. How the fuck? Is she a freaking witch? Can she read minds or some-

Oh, wait. Dammit Veneziano and his big mouth.

“I… might have 7000 euros, yes.”

Francis’ eyes widened and he smirked. “ _Mon Dieu,_ and what you were going to do with _those_ money?”

“Not of your smelly fucking business.”

“Alright!” Eliza avoided another conflict. “Now, everyone, don't disturb me or I might castrate all of you.”

And her words were final.

**XxX**

The conversation continued on the topic of the trip. They settled everything that had to be settled and they calculated everything that had to be calculated. Lovino almost felt giddy as he listened to the excited voices of the others, who were now deciding which cities to visit. They needed exactly 58 so that the trip would be perfect. Everyone’s eyes were sparkling and even Antonio joined them with coffee and pastries, still looking after possible customers.

Eliza was scribbling down the calculations in a small, yellow notepad that she got from her backpack. Even if she was frowning a bit, chewing a pen, she still looked excited to be here.

Francis was discussing the wonders of French cities to Antonio, the latter listening to him with a huge grin and shiny eyes. He also tried not to burst into laughter as Gilbert silently mimicked Francis’ every move and word.

As for Lovino… he was just…

There.

Observing. Watching every movement of the others. Listening to the tone of their voices and the words that flowed out of their mouths. His eyes moving over every feature of the people around him, trying to take in all of their quirks and tics.

Not that he cared about all of that. No, Lovino didn't care how Francis always smiled mischievously when his eyes screamed for release. He didn't care how Gilbert was always shouting, while hiding a small insecurity in his eyes and posture. He didn't care how Eliza slightly flinched at every quick movement, while trying not to take her hands from the table. He didn't care how Antonio’s smile litterally froze at the mention of Belgian waffles.

But he couldn't unsee it.

All of his life he's been watching people. It's in his blood. When he was little, he never engaged in conversations or social events. He was always watching other kids play with eachother from his bedroom window. He never responded when other people tried to comfort him. And he always was so sad and angry for no reason. Nowadays, he _had_ to learn to see beauty in every imperfection and to capture it in pictures. But this always came with a downside.

Observing people’s beautiful side made him observe people's ugly side too.

And he didn't want to. All he wanted was to be oblivious of the ugly parts of life, making room for positivity. He didn't want to know about people's nightmares or dreams or life in general.

He didn't want to get close again.

And you know what made Lovino feel even worse? Nobody seemed to have the same problem.

_Everyone was trying to ignore the other’s ugly side or they simply didn't see it._

Bullshit. This was total bullshit. Lovino felt himself getting angry at that thought but then he caught Francis’ intense blue eyes for a brief moment.

_Everyone, except Francis._

He met him one year ago in the first day of college. Francis’ calculating eyes observed every little detail of Lovino’s being that day, a fact that made Lovino hate him with a burning passion. It's like he was trying to deschiper Lovino’s life in one simple look, without asking him. He only observed a certain person for a few times until he thought he got the information he needed.

And that was the difference between the two.

Lovino didn't want to know anything but Francis was trying hard to understand everything.

 _Terrifying_.

His eyes were terrifying when he did that. And he never asked anything. He would just act like his perverse self after he thought he knew you. And he knew that I'm observant. He even knew that I know what's he doing.

Ugh, that's fucking confusing. Nevermind.

“Lovino!!” Gilbert snapped his fingers in front of his face, making him stop staring at Francis. He blinked and looked at him.

“What?”

“I've been calling you for two minutes now, slowpoke.” Gilbert said.

“I'm not a slowpoke, you asshole!" 

“Guys, shut up.” Eliza butted in.

“Hey, Lovi, I was just wondering if you'll come with me at my mama’s.” Antonio put his hand on Lovino's shoulder, making him tense up.

“Yeah, sure, yeah.” He muttered. “Why not?”

“Great! Then let's go!” Antonio pulled him up from his seat.

“Wait,” he gestured at the table, “what about the idiots?” And then he added, “and the shop.”

“Don't worry! We have plenty of time to plan this trip!” Antonio said. “Also my mother will come soon, that's why we have to go now!”

“Aren't you going to be late to class?” Eliza asked, not looking up from her notebook.

**_“Merde!”_**

And then Francis ran past Antonio and Lovino and exited the shop. Gilbert only laughed and then he turned to the two standing.

“Bye you gay suckers!”

“Fuck you!” Lovino flipped Gilbert off and Antonio waved at him. He took Antonio by the collar and off they were.

**XxX**

They made their way to the bus stop in complete silence. They sat down and waited.

Lovino felt Antonio trying to grab his hand, but he wouldn't let him do that. He put his hands in his jeans’ pockets and gave him a slightly pleading and irittated look.

_Please don't touch me in public._

Lovino could see Antonio wanted to say something about it, maybe a few soft spoken words or words of disagreement -Lovino didn't know-, but then the bus came and they hopped in. They found two empty seats and they sat down, Lovino at the window.

“Hey, are you excited for he trip, sweetie?” Antonio finally broke the ice.

God, what the hell was with Antonio and his pet names? Couldn't he speak normally? Lovino always felt embarrassed when Antonio said those kind of things.

“Not really, no.” He answered honestly.

In truth, he was scared. He didn't know what was waiting for him on this trip. He was going to spend his entire summer break with four other people and that thought wasn't so pleasing right now. What if someone gets lost? What if he will say some bitchy stuff and ruin everything?

Oh God, _what if he will say some bitchy stuff and ruin everything?_

Antonio gave him a slightly worried look, but then he smiled. “Don't worry, sweetheart. Everything will be okay! And if it's not, then I'll be there to make it okay, okay?~”

Lovino had the urge to touch his face, but he quickly dismissed it.

“Yeah, I guess.”

He scanned the bus to see if there were many people. There was only a granny in the back of the bus. Heh. Guess a lot of people have their _siesta_ right now _._

As if.

So Lovino went over his pride and allowed himself to lean his head on Antonio’s shoulder. Antonio sensed him and he beamed lovingly at him. He was doing his best in standing still so that Lovino wouldn't get uncomfortable, but he was too excited and happy to not move or to not hum a tune.

Lovino closed his eyes. God, how lucky he was to have Antonio by his side.

**XxX**

Antonio’s house was a small one in the outskirts of Madrid. It had an earthy hue and it literally screamed _Antonio._ There was a little garden with flowers in the front but if you went in the back, there was a bigger garden with all kinds of vegetables like bell peppers, lettuce, onions and, of course, tomatoes. The inside of the house was larger than it seemed, having two bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen and a bathroom. The living room was supposed to be large, but with the aquarium in the middle of it, it seemed a lot smaller. The house also was decorated with a milion of colorful stuff and succulents, and the walls were bright yellow. Muffled electro pop from the back garden was heard every time he entered this house and Lovino would've hated it if he wouldn't have been used to it already.

If Antonio said that he decorated the house, he would believe him in a heartbeat.

“Ma! I'm home!” Antonio shouted right as a small sunshine exited one bedroom in hurry.

 _“¡Papi, ven y juega conmigo!”_ Little Lucía screeched excitedly.

_The shoking surprise that awaited at Antonio’s house._

“ _¡Luci, mi felicidad, mi tesoro!~”_ He said while swooping the little giggling girl off her feet and cuddling her small frame.

_His four years old daughter._

Lovino was used to seeing Antonio give so many hugs and kisses and affection in general to his daughter after every reunion, but to a normal person, it might seem a little over the top. He didn't mind that, obviously, and he didn't interrupt them, only leaning in the door's frame, but he also felt kind of uncomfortable to see Antonio love his daughter so much because…

Because he didn't receive that kind of treatment when he was little.

“I'm gonna be late!” Antonio’s mother yelled as she exited the kitchen.

And there she was. Miss Carmen Carriedo Reyes. Antonio’s mother. A poor 40 years old lady with a smile of silver and a voice like sugar. She looked like a splitting image of Antonio, only her skin was darker, her hair was longer and she was shorter. She had a very thick accent and Lovino had to listen carefully to understand her, but he got used to it. Her clothes were kind of rumpled and her apron was stained with all kinds of food, but she looked like she didn't mind it. She was holding a large bowl with whipped cream and a mixer, trying at the same time to get her disheveled hair out of her face.

Lovino quickly took the bowl and mixer from her hands and smiled at her, a smile that looked like the owner wasn't used to smiling.

“I'll take that, miss Carmen.” He made his way to the kitchen that was filled with all kinds of little cakes, probably for the cafe or something.

“Still aren't calling me mom, are ya?” Miss Carmen said right before slamming her bedroom door shut.

He cringed a bit, maybe because of what she said or maybe because of the door, but he put the things down and went to see what is that idiot Antonio doing.

He was unsurprisingly playing with Lucía with some toys, making her laugh and flutter her hands around.

“Hey, can you watch her for a minute?” Antonio then made eye contact. “I have to talk with ma.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever.”

So Antonio left the living room and left Lovino with the kid. He…

He didn't really like kids, especially if they're crying, and he never knew how to act around them. Also the cursing. It is kind of bad when he cursed around a kid and that kid mimicked him.

He sat down in front of Lucía, who was sitting on the couch, and tried to smile at her.

It came more like a scowl.

Fortunately, Lucía was Antonio’s daughter and she couldn't possibly cry at such a silly face. So she smiled brightly at him.

She then took Lovino’s face in her tiny hands and started blabbering in Spanish.

Lovino couldn't really communicate with her. After all, he didn't really know Spanish, even if he lived in Spain for an entire year already. So he only slightly frowned, trying to deschiper her kiddy talk, but to no avail.

Lucía was… a long story, really. Nobody, except for her father, really knew from where she came from or who was her mother. But her curly hair and her smile showed that she was, in fact, Antonio's biological daughter. The only difference between them was that Lucía had lighter hair and skin, and that her eyes were a different kind of green, a paler shade.

Antonio never talked about her mother. Not even his best friends knew about who she was, and they were around him when it happened, unlike Lovino, who didn't know Antonio back then. He never really kept secrets, it was not in his blood, but this was weird as fuck.

He was so shocked when he first found about Lucía. At that moment, he thought that Antonio was actually a married man and that he was cheating on his wife with Lovino. But his paranoid thoughts never came true, and that was a huge relief, after all, if they were true, he would've had to kick Antonio's ass into oblivion and he would've had to never see him again.

“You're cute, you know that?” He said to the still talking girl, who stopped to give him a confused look.

_“¿Qué?”_

He only pressed his lips and looked away, catching Antonio’s eyes, who was exiting the bedroom.

He gave him a smile and sat next to him, begining a conversation with his daughter, who was excited that her father was finally in the same room as her.

Watching these two was a blessing, really. There was no other way to explain the pure happiness that radiated from them. He sighed and put his hand on Antonio’s hand.

He gave him a questioning sideways glance but said nothing when he noticed Lovino’s relaxed and tired posture, only continuing to talk to his daughter in that sweet language that Lovino loved to listen to.

_“And if it's not, then I'll be there to make it okay, okay?~"_

Okay.


	2. Feel my wrath and my extreme self-doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Eating diacorders, violence
> 
> ~Ciao!

**“I know where treasure is waiting for me** **  
****Silver and gold in the mountains of Spain** **  
****I have to see you again and again** **  
****Take me, Spanish Caravan** **  
** **Yes, I know you can”**

-The Doors **  
** (Spanish caravan)

**XxX**

_ “That's one big motherfucking motorhome.” _

It was 5am when his ass was dragged out of the bed by a exhausted-looking Francis. He didn't even realise what happened until he was placed in the car, seatbelt on, luggages safely tucked in the trunk and having the worst headache possible on this damned world. Also, he didn't get his coffee, so might as well make Francis’ life hell.

Ha! That rhymes. In your face!

“Where the fuck are we going, you snail-eating fuckface?”

He just sighed and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, making Lovino feel very uncomfortable. After all, he was the one driving.  _ He should keep his eyes on the fucking road, dammit! _ But after a few tense seconds, Francis' snapped his eyes open and looked at him for a second.

“I don't have time for your bitching. Now shut up and make sure I don't fall asleep.”

Lovino ignored Francis,  _ yeah right, as if he's going to keep looking at that asshole for that long _ , and he frowned.

“You didn't answer my fucking question.”

“How do you expect to woo your lover if your attitude doesn't have the sweet charm of love?” Oh, here is it. Lovino wondered when he's gonna sprout bullshit out of his mouth today. “You are supposed to talk lovingly and dearly to your life partner and not like you just want to make  _ rough _ love all night. If you share careness you will receive careness. So you shouldn't curse like that. You understand?” Francis took a quick glance to the passenger seat with a smirk.

“I rarely heard you talk shit out of your ass like the most fucked up sex-monster with diarrhea, ever, but you outdid yourself this time.”  

He sighed again. “Such a nasty boy.” He looked at Lovino for a second and grinned, clutching his shirt rather dramatically. “We're going to your  _ amour et vie. _ ”

“I don't know what you just said but  _ amour  _ is never a good sigh.” He gave him a kind of fearful look.

“Aww, don't tell me you don't know who your  _ amour  _ is. For your information, is dear  _ Antoine _ .”

“I fucking know is him, shut up and just drive.” Lovino looked away and blushed. Dammit, he hated him  _ so _ much for making him say it.

So they drove to Antonio's house, kicked his still sleeping ass into oblivion, packed his stuff into the trunk, drunk a coffee, said their too long and teary goodbyes to little Lucía and miss Carmen and drove away to the soon-to-be a disaster. Antonio didn't want to be left out in the back and Lovino's head hurt like an anvil fell on him, so it was decided by a few slaps to a certain French person that Lovino should drive.

They drove to the meeting point near that curses park where Cervantes’ statue was and when they got out of the car, the two friends from the back looked a bit pale and scarred. But Lovino didn't give a shit about their whines on his style of driving and continued walking.

They met with Gilbert who was just leaning nonchalantly on that monstrous automobile and here they are now. 7am.

“Yeah, I know. It's a big motorhome and it actually looks smaller from the inside, but it’s awesome, right?!” He said.

Lovino ignored him and looked over the three friends. They were so different even in clothing. Francis wore some slacks and a blue fancy shirt, his hair tied in a loose ponytail, Antonio wore a large, bright yellow sleeveless t-shirt that read 'shut up!’ on it with some red jogger shorts, freaking sandals and a fanny pack, and Gilbert wore a punk-looking top with a denim jacket full of accessories and the most skinny jeans he had ever seen, what the actual fuck. Also what's up with the damn hat and boots? They looked tired, but they talked very excitedly about all kinds of things. It seems that they really looked forward to this trip. He couldn't really relate. He was still kind of anxious about all of this.

A month passed since Gilbert won the lottery. Lovino finished his portfolio and got a good grade, so his attendance to class next year will be required. He was surprised when the teacher said that he did a good job that year. After all, Veneziano would have done so much better if he was in his position. But here he was! A perfect grade and a perfect gallery! He remembered that he felt really proud of himself, going as far as to pump his chest forward and huff gladly and he also remembered Erzsébet giving him a thumbs up and a encouraging smile.

Wait.

“Where the fuck is Eliza?” Lovino interrupted them, and right after that, a whistle was heard.

And there she was, clicking her heels on the pavement as she struggled with her luggages. She looked smug, as if she waited for that question to be asked and he wouldn't be surprised if she really did. She also wore a simple flowery shirt and mom-jeans, her hair in a messy, big bun, a different style than her usually long, flowing locks, her orange flower always present in her chocolate hair, but Lovino thought she looked gorgeous.

“If I wasn't together with my dumbass, I'd probably go after her in a heartbeat.” Lovino heard himself say and then he snapped out of it, looking at Antonio worriedly. He just gave him a smile, but for the first time, Lovino couldn't deschiper it.

“And if she wasn't a psychopath, I'd probably fight you for her.” Gilbert laughed and crossed his arms.

Francis slapped his back. “Well, I'm probably going after her anyway.” He laughed, but it was a crooked laugh.

“Don't you dare.” Gilbert warned him playfully.

“Hey boys, help a friend out with these  _ heavy  _ and  _ big  _ luggages, will you?~” Eliza said when she neared them.

Francis winked and flew away like the wind before anyone could say anything and Gilbert ran after him, cursing him. Lovino couldn't be bothered with them right now, so he looked at Antonio.

He wished he didn't.

His face heated up when he saw the sheer adoration and love that was plastered on Antonio’s tan face and he thought about something to say, but he only stuttered out of embarrassment.

“Why, I, why the fuck are you staring, dammit?” Lovino found his voice again. “Do I have something on my face?” He lightly slapped himself over the cheek.

Antonio only smiled. “Ah, sweetie, don't slap yourself.” He came closer to Lovino, taking his chin with a gentle hand, making him blush like a teenager in love. “I just didn't get a chance of kissing you today.”

“Dammit, can't you wait?” Lovino looked around himself to make sure the others were still paking the stuff. Yep. There they were. Arguing about ripped clothes while having sex.

“You should always rip them  _ passionately  _ and _ roughly  _ so that the lovemaking would be more intense and fiery for both sides.” Eliza said.

Francis shook his head. “ _ Non _ , that can't be. You always need to rip them off delicately and lovingly so that your partener will feel safe in your loving hands.”

Gilbert only scratched his head confusedly. “Man, does it matter? What are you even talking about?”

Fucking nasties.

Antonio made sure Lovino's thoughts didn't wander too far and brought him back to reality with a chaste but _pretty_ _fucking passionate_ kiss on the lips. Lovino was surprised, but gave in the sweet taste of Antonio’s lips. He even stood on his tiptoes so that he could get better access to his mouth, a thing that made Lovino feel kind of  embarrassed. After all, he was too short for him but right now, he couldn't give two shits.

Lovino frowned at him when Antonio backed off a bit, but not enough to put off his blush. “Better?”

“Very much so!~” Antonio laughed.

“Fucking bastard.”

“Hey, are you done making out? 'cuz we need to go now if we wanna make it in time!” Gilbert interrupted them, making Lovino shriek in surprise.

“Jesus Christ, don't scare me like that, you fucker!”

“Yeah, yeah, just get into the motorhome already, you love-cockroaches.”

And so they went.

**XxX**

First destination. Barcelona.

As someone once said, once the  _ Sagrada Família  _ is done, there wouldn't be nothing left to see in the city, that it will soon become boring to the human eye even if it was fantastic in it's own way. But Lovino didn't agree with this.

The city is filled with fantastically expressive architecture that springs from its proud Catalan culture. Bold, brash, colourful, distinctive, harmonious, varied and unique are just a few adjectives that come to Lovino’s mind when describing the architecture. It has successfully blended the old and the new in a way that makes this city simply breathtakingly beautiful. There is nothing else more enjoyable than strolling around the streets of Barcelona and taking in the atmosphere that radiates out from the architecture.

To Barcelona, architecture is so much more than just Gaudí. Whilst Gaudí's influence is not always visible in the style of modern architecture, it is often apparent in the use of colour and imagination. It is as though he and the other modernist architects bring out a brave streak in even the most conservative of architects.

Take the EMBT's Santa Caterina Market as an example. It's a food market that brought a lot of controversy when it was first constructed, just because it was different from the other buildings. It had a colorful mosaic on the roof, which was kind of weird since you couldn't really fully see it, but the folds made it possible to see a glimpse of the wild composition. This building was designed more as a postcard photo rather than being designed to be practical, thought people were able to warm up to it and appreciate it, regardless of it's weird style.

Of course, there were a lot of artists that put their fingertips on the composition that was Barcelona, but the most influential one was perhaps Antoni Gaudí.

That man was irrational. He had exactly three passions and he used them all at the same time. Architecture. Nature. Religion. He made the great church that is admired by many people today and he loved every piece of it. He dedicated every moment of his life for it from even before his parents died and until his death. Some people may say that he died almost comically, hit by a tram while taking his daily stroll through the city. The doctors didn't even knew who he was at first, that's how shabby he looked.

Lovino tugged on Antonio's t-shirt to get his attention. “Hey. Did you... did you know that Antoni Gaudí is buried in the Sagrada Família?”

Antonio only looked at him from the sandwich he was eating. “ Well now I know!~”

Lovino licked his lips in determination and tugged harder. “ Imagine… imagine being buried in the thing you love the most. Isn't that kind of poetic? You get to spend an eternity surrounded by the thing you love. It's like they would bury you in a thousand tomatoes, just because you love them too much.”

“Oh, yes, certainly, I love tomatoes, but,” Antonio took Lovino's tugging hand in his and smiled brightly, “if they would bury me with the thing I love, they would probably bury me alongside you, sweetie.”

Lovino blushed and covered his face. “God dammit, you…you smooth-talking bastard.”

“I love you too!~” He laughed and took Lovino's hands from his face. “Don't hide your face Lovi, I like your face, my sweetheart.”

Lovino only looked at the Sagrada Família one more time to hide his embrassement and took a photo.

“Yeah, whatever, take your bike and let's go see the  _ Arc de Triomf. _ ”

Antonio smiled and finished his sandwich. “Why do you crouch like that when taking a photo?”

“Why do you wear a freaking fanny pack?”

“Haha, I don't get it.~”

“Of course you don't.”

After explaining what Lovino meant by that, 10 freaking times -”because I  _ need _ to crouch like that to take a good photo just like you need that awful fanny pack, for whatever reason”, “but I don't need a fanny pack” *facepalm*- they were ciclyng in silence through the smaller and not so populated streets, often stopping in a deserted neighborhood so that Lovino could take another photo of some basic and not that interesting views, according to Antonio. He didn't understand though, the beauty of the most simple doors or walls, the beauty of a flower in the crack of the pavement, the beauty and wonderfulness of a red dress in an maroon ambiance, that amazing street art that curses your mother’s dead relatives, but blending  _ just right _ with the view.

He photographed  _ Casa Milà _ ,  _ Palau Güell _ , and  _ Casa Batlló _ , all of them a different kind of beauty, yet mesmerising and interesting in their own way. There were so many things that had to be admired in this city that a whole day wasn't enough for all of them. He only hoped they could make it to see the secret and sacred parts of the city, the parts which are not as popular and not as photographed and if he didn't see it all of it in these 24 hours, he hoped he could visit this place another time, because honestly, it was worthy of coming back. And if he had a chance of coming back, he sure hoped he could actually enter these buildings, even  _ Park Güell _ , because  **_someone_ ** couldn't make reservations in time and they didn't really had that many money to pay for tickets.

They even passed some weird places as some kind of pot museum that read ‘Hemp gallery museum’, a deserted building full of graffiti paintings, some weird statues of Satan, skeletons on bicycles and a chef with his head stuck in a pizza -or some performers who did their job way too good to be real- a chocolate museum, a ham museum, a funeral carriage museum, a wall full of small paintings that made up an entirely new painting of two people kissing, that Torre Agbar building that looked like some kind of vibrator-

His phone suddenly rang.

“Toto Cutugno? Really? You still haven't changed the song?” Antonio amusedly asked.

“Ditch Selena and I ditch Toto.” He said while he hit answer on his phone.

“Never.”

“ _ Hey, could you come get us? We got lost in the cemetery.”  _ Eliza said.

“Don't you have phones?”

“ _ Oh, yeah, well, we don't have good signal here.”  _ And then there was a muffled french curse.  _ “And I'm kind of sitting on Francis’ shoulders right now.”  _ She then presumably took the phone away from her ear and shouted,  _ “Stop moving around!”   _

_ “I can't help it! You're too heavy!” _

_ “For God's sake, you'll make me fall!”  _ And then she put her phone back to her ear _. “Please come get us ASAP!” _

Lovino sighed. “God fucking dammit, alright.”

He then ended the call and pinched the bridge of his nose. Why couldn't he just stay at home the whole summer with the TV and with the ice-cream? Surely those two could've been better company than those fucking idiots.

“Who was it?” Antonio then asked him, startling the crap out of him.

He just sighed and held onto one of Antonio’s belt loops, pulling him forward. “Just Eliza. Someone's gotta take her ass off that slimy Frenchman.

He only looked confused. “I don't get it, but let's find them.”

“Yeah…by the way, do you have any idea in which cemetery should we search first?”

“Cemetery!?”

He sighed. This is going to be a long day and they didn't even run into that white monster yet.

**XxX**

They found Francis at the entrance of the Montjuïc Cemetery holding a knocked up Eliza on his shoulder. Antonio gasped and ran up to them panickly.

“What happened? Is she alright? Did she fall? Did you do something to her? I swear to God Francis!”

Francis only smiled sadly. “Ah, everyone thinks I could do something to ladies without consent, so tragic,” he laughed uncomfortably, “especially when I'm in cemeteries with them...alone.” He made a disgusted face.

Antonio took Eliza in his arms from him and frowned with worry. “Then what happened?”

“Oh, she just fell from some tree after her call with precious Lovi over there.” He gestured to Lovino, who was just going through his photos while listening to them, trying not to blush his face off because God, oh God, Antonio  _ frowned _ . He almost never frowns unless he's climaxi-

Yeah.

Francis only continued talking. “She didn’t hit her head very badly so she should be fine in no time. I also found the exit to this cemetery rather quick so let's go now somewh-”

“Not so fast french fry, I'm going to take a damn photo first.” Lovino intrerupted them and proceeded to just do that.

The Montjuïc cemetery was a very special and unique park. Here you can experience 150 years of history and art, the morbid atmosphere and the neo-gothic style having a weird and creppy charm. It seemed that for locals, the cemetery seemed weird as a tourist spot, but for visitors, it looked like a silent lesson about all kinds of things. The sight was breathtaking from the gate and Lovino had to capture the perfection in a plain photo that didn't make justice to the pretty and creppy sight. He only hoped that Erzsebét had the time to take photos from the inside of the cemetery.

“Grated-cheese.” She then mumbled and giggled. In her sleep, WHAT THE FUCK.

“Oh, she's waking up!~” Antonio stated the obvious, as always.

“Alright, now let's get out of here, Eliza and the cemetery are giving me the creeps, dammit.” Lovino got up from his knee and took his and Antonio's bike.

They put Eliza on Antonio's back so that they won't look as suspicious as they already looked and went down the hill, searching for a pharmacy to tend to her scraped knees. He was carrying Antonio's guitar and his backpack and Lovino's feet and back were already hurting from the effort of getting down the hill while also holding the two bikes. He sighed, already feeling tired of this whole trip, and they didn't even went through a whole day. He just wondered how this day is going to end like.

The atmosphere was really awkward around them, nobody talked and he understood that they didn't because everyone was resting for a bit before running off somewhere again but even as he was aware of that, Lovino's head uselessly warned him to run far away from this place as fast as possible for no real reason. It was silent, unusually silent and that made him a little bit nervous.

And then it clicked.

“Hey, by the way, where the fuck is that white bastard?” He asked while putting a band aid on her knee, inspecting the wound carefully and cautiously.

Eliza, who was resting her head on Francis’ shoulder, pulled down her pant leg and mumbled tiredly. “Still planning the stuff for his big surprise, whatever that is.”

“What? Do you care so much about him,  _ mon chouchou _ ?~” Francis laughed mischievously and Lovino wanted to slap him so bad, his hands were aching. And Antonio didn't say anything about the comment, that freaking bastard!

“As if!”

“Hey guys, do you want anything to eat?” Antonio asked, being oblivious as always.

“Didn't you just ate a freaking sandwich already?” Lovino asked him and then he added. “Fatass.”

“That was two hours ago! I'm hungry.” Antonio whined.

“I could go for something to eat now, yeah.” Eliza murmured.

“Then let's go.” Francis got up from the bench he was sitting, still holding onto Eliza who looked like she could fall down any minute now. Lovino sighed and got up from his knees too while Antonio looked after some dining rooms or cafés or whatever.

They found a little restaurant near the  _ Arc de Triomf _ -since Lovino already planned going there- that wasn't too expensive and sat at one table in the far corner. They ordered some potato Bombas at Antonio’s wish and desire and a pleasant conversation settled around them. As long as talking about makeup was a pleasant conversation.

Lovino looked out of the window and took out his sketchbook.

Man, those Spanish people sure were crazy about their culture and architecture. And football, let's not forget about that shit.

Barcelona is… a city of possibilities and fantasies, really. Even as he stood here, in this gothic, dare he say, cute restaurant, sketching away the street, the beautiful trees and the interesting buildings, he couldn't deny that the enchanting beauty of this city gives your soul everything you never knew you wanted. The smells of the tapas made in many Catalan kitchens mixed with the hint of the smell of ocean spray, the evocativeness of the tango, the majesty and creativeness of the Mediterranean architecture, the Latin and sexy songs that are heard in the air wherever you go all interwine to create a beautiful, exciting world where everything is possible.

A hand was softly placed on his free one, making him tense up then relax as he noticed it belonged to Antonio. He just continued to sketch even if he had the urge to get his hand far away from the contact.

“Hey, aren't you going to eat?” He asked in a whisper.

Lovino only bit his lip. “I'm not hungry.”

Antonio squeezed his hand. “But you haven't eaten anything this morning, you must be starving!"

“No, not really.” He gave him a look that told him not to push it anymore. But of course, Antonio didn't get it.

“Just a little bite please, for me?” He asked, concern written all over his face.

Lovino wanted to snap at him to let it go already, but he realised he was in a public place with a group of people that would make a fuss about it if they weren't in a heated conversation about eyeliner already, so he sighed in defeat, put his sketchbook away and reached for his cup of coffee.

Antonio caught his arm and looked at him insistently. “A bite, not a sip. You drunk too much already. You need to eat.”

He clenched his jaw. “Fine.” He picked up his fork and stabbed the potato with it, cutting up a small part, bringing it to his lips and eating only half of the piece.

“There, done, I fucking ate. Happy?” He didn't wait for an answer and got up from his seat. “Now if you could excuse me,  _ mom _ , I'm going to the fucking toilet.” He took off, leaving an concerned Antonio behind.

Right when he was out of sight, he ran in an empty stall, fell on his knees and spit the piece of potato in the toilet, body shaking and tears almost falling down his cheeks. He took a few shaky breaths and stood up, making his way to the nearest sink. As he was using the sink to support himself, he took a few gulps of water and looked at himself in the mirror.

God, he really looked horrible. He had huge bags under his eyes as if he didn't slept for years and his skinny face looked almost skeletal. No wonder he felt so weak all the time, he basically shook like a leaf into the windy air. He was sure that he was going to break someday if he continued like this. But he didn't care about that right now, he only hoped that Antonio wasn’t upset with him for insulting him like that. God, he was such an asshole sometimes. Couldn't he be more compassionate? He was his freaking boyfriend after all! Why?

He hated it, not being able to eat in a public place, he absolutely detested when he felt that people were looking at him. He felt like he was going to throw up any minute now and his breathing quickened. He hated potatoes. He hated himself so much, he only could wonder why was Antonio sticking with him all the time? Surely he's going to leave him at some point because he got bored by him. Because he got angry with his whines. Surely he's going to be all alone with a broken heart all over again. He couldn't imagine a life without him. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths to calm himself down, but his breath only quickened and his lip trembled.

“Calm down. It's alright.” A soft voice came from behind him and when he snapped his eyes open, he saw Antonio’s smiling face and concerned eyes in a blurry haze. He couldn't be real, he was still in the restaurant with the others, there's no way he came here.

“Do you want me to do something? Anything at all?” He asked in the same soft voice and Lovino bursted into tears, spinning around, getting hold of him and burying his face into the crook of his neck. He was here.

Antonio didn't say anything, just held him and hummed softly and Lovino was so grateful for that. He felt like he stayed like that for an eternity, crying in the most ugliest way in his shoulder that could make him feel ashamed of himself in any other circumstances, but not now. When he pulled out Antonio's arms, eyes sore and with a mild headache, he realised that it's been 20 minutes since he entered the bathroom.

“Are you alright?” Antonio asked him while wiping his tears from his cheeks with his thumb. He then reached his stupid fanny pack and took out a napkin, wetting it with a bit of cold water.

His lower lup still trembled and he felt weak as Antonio dabbed his face, but he was able to mumble a response. “Yeah...thanks.”

“No need to thank me sweetheart, I'm here for you. Always.” He gave him an reassuring smile.

Lovino took a deep breath and closed his red eyes, enjoying the cold feeling of the cloth on his burning face.

“I'm sorry.” He mumbled.

Antonio stopped dabbing his face and threw the napkin in the trash. He came back to Lovino and took his face in his hands.

“Do you want to talk about it? I'm going to listen to you.”

He didn't even told him to ‘get over it’ like most people say, he was fully there, alongside him, listening to him and Lovino was so glad to have him. He breathed a sigh of relief and he began talking.

“Just… just kiss me you bastard, God, I feel so embarrassed right now.”

Antonio hesitated. “Are you sure?”

He pulled him closer. “Yeah, you're here, that's what matters, so shut up you big oaf.”

Antonio smiled a bit and gave him a peck on the lips. “Do you feel better?”

Lovino gave him an unsure smile. “Yeah, I guess. I just don't like eating in a public place.”

“That can be a problem, yes, but we can resolve it!~” He fully laughed now, seeing as he felt better and reached for a Tupperware that was placed near them.

Lovino gave him a confused look. “What’s that? What are you doing?”

“It's an  _ Esqueixada _ salad that I ordered for you! I asked a waitress to put it in this container I had in my backpack!” He gave it to him.

“So I'm going to eat here?”

“Yeah!” He said excitedly but then he lowered his voice in a more concerned tone. “That's it, if you can eat, of course. Do you think you can eat?”

He opened the container and took the fork, slowly getting a piece of cod on it then eating it. He chewed slowly, afraid that he's going to run for the toilet again, but he successfully ate it. He blinked a few times, waiting, but then he turned to Antonio and smiled proudly.

“I did it! In your face!” His cheeks flushed out of embarrassment, but who gave a shit now as he took another bite and another. Man, he was starving.

Antonio squeezed his hand and smiled brightly at him. “Yes, you did it! I'm so proud of you!” He laughed then his smile dimmed. “Do you think you could eat half of this?”

Lovino looked at the container and shrugged. “I'm not sure, but I'll try.”

He slowly ate with small bites, still afraid that he's going to throw up at any minute and when he ate more than half, he stopped.

“I'm full.” He closed the lid and frowned.

“It's okay, you're taking small steps.” Antonio encouraged him.

Lovino looked at him and twisted his ring. “It's… it's not like I have a eating disorder, it's just… it's just that I sometimes just can't. I don't know why, thought. I want to get a bit fatter, I really do but sometimes I just can't. I don't know how to explain it.” He looked away.

Antonio smiled. “It's okay sweetie, were going to take slow steps okay? Together.”

Lovino looked at him and spoke softly. “Okay.”

“Are you ready to exit?”Antonio asked. “Gilbert called right as you came in here and told us he has something planned. We're going to meet him somewhere at  _ La Rambla _ . The others already left.“

Lovino seemed surprised. “Oh, okay. Yeah, let's just go.”

So they exited and went, feeling lighter than this morning.

**XxX**

“Did you angry pain in the ass know that until 2010, the  _ Rambla del Estudis _ -did I pronounced that right?- was an open-air market for all kinds of birds and other small pets? The market was forced to close down because of the animal protection laws thought.” Gilbert said with interest while looking at the church in front of them.

He then looked at Lovino, who was looking back at him murderously for dragging them along the whole length of the motherfucking long street, smiled cockily and put his hands on his hips. “Man, it would've been so cool if there were some birds around here to look at! This church is kinda boring.”

“Goddammit, shut up about your bird pornography and tell us about your plans for today already, you bastard.”

He frowned at Lovino but then his eyes brightened as if he had remembered something. “Oh yeah! The plan!” He said while taking out of his pocket a few balloons. “I was planning to have water balloons fights with random strangers! It's a great way to have fun, don't you think? And you short ass boy can shoot me!”

“Maybe with a gun…” He muttered in annoyance but he still heard him.

“So you would rather fight with balloons? A kiddy play? With strangers?” Gilbert wriggled his eyebrows in amusement.

He crinkled his nose and looked away. “Of course not! And I'm still not going to photograph you.” He looked at him again. “You're too damn ugly for the camera, your face would break it.”

Gilbert only laughed and ruffled his hair. “We'll see.”

He pouted and slapped his hand from his head, making his way to Antonio, who was gently strumming his guitar while sitting down on the church's stairs, alongside Francis.

“Hey.” He said while looking at where Eliza was, asking random people to let her photograph them and telling them how handsome or beautiful they looked. God, she was so cliché, Lovino couldn't understand her sometimes.

“Hey!” Antonio then stopped playing and Lovino looked at him. “Do you like Gilbert’s plan?”

Lovino looked down at him and smirked mockingly. “As if! It's not even a plan, he just wants to play with water balloons. Isn't he like, 21 years old? More like 12.”

Antonio smiled and strummed his guitar. “Well, I think it's fun so I'm gonna go play with him!”

“You could sit here with me, my darling.” Francis patted the ground near him and winked at Lovino.

He backed away and pointed at him in disgust. “Don't ever call me that, you hairy bastard! I'm going to fucking stab you with a… with a pen! Yeah! Don't ever start me, bitch!”

Francis made an exaggerated gasp and clutched his shirt dramatically. “Oh, no! I'm going to die! Such an shame! My beautiful face!”

“Watch it, fucker!”

“So are you all in?” Gilbert came along to the stairs and put a hand on Lovino's shoulder, making him shriek and slap his hand. He huffed and made his way to the stairs, sitting down right as Antonio put his guitar in its case.

He kissed Lovino on the cheek, making him blush, of course, stood up and high-fived Gilbert. “Yeah! Let's do it!”

“Alright, let's go to a more populated part. Eliza! Get your ass in here!”

“Fuck you too!” She shouted right as she photographed a horrified looking old lady.

They went right next to  _ La Rambla _ , at  _ Plaça Reial _ , a popular square that is filled with tourists and locals as well. The place is filled with restaurants where you could enjoy the finest Spanish meals or just relax, drinking an iced beverage at daytime, but at nighttime, the fun began. The city’s most famous clubs are here, such as Karma or Sidecar. And the best fact that Lovino knew about this place was that the lanterns that decorated and illuminated the square at night were designed by…

You guessed it right!

Antoni fucking Gaudí, that fantastic piece of Catalan ass- err...architect.

Yeah.

He sat down and ordered an lemonade in the best Spanish he knew, which wasn't good at all but the waitress seemed to get it. He looked at the others, who were now waiting for Gilbert to fill the balloons in the restaurant's bathroom. He couldn't actually believe that the staff really let him do that but he was more shocked to find that they let him borrow some buckets too like it was the most common thing to do.

The waitress brought him the drink and Lovino smiled charmingly at her, but dropped his smile as soon as she was out of sight.

Goddammit, his energy was seriously running low. His leg bounced as he took a sip of the lemonade, sighing in delight as the cold drink revigorated him on this hot day. His eyes shifted around, observing the people passing by, trying to find a cute lady that he could smile at, but right as he made eye contact with pretty blue eyes, he was interrupted by someone pulling the other chair at the table.

“Can you order me a glass of mint lemonade? I'm afraid I don't know any Spanish.” Francis sat down and smiled at Lovino, who just raised an perfect eyebrow.

“What makes you think I know Spanish?”

Francis shrugged and lazily pointed at his drink. “Well, you managed to get that, so I guess that you know at least a bit.”

He huffed and called the waitress with a hand. “Of course that I can manage, I'm not a mediocre ass like you.”

He leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. “Tsk, no need to be so rude.”

Lovino just ignored him and ordered another lemonade. He made the effort to smile charmingly at the waitress again and complimented her pale, pretty eyes, making her blush in delight and leave with a smile on her face. Francis only watched with interest, his chin resting on his hand.

“How can you be nice to ladies and curse like that with others?”

Lovino gave him a warning look. “Why don't you go play with your damn friends over there and shut the fuck up?” He pointed at Antonio, who was giving a bucket full of water balloons to a teenager while smiling brightly at them.

Francis made an wondering face and then raised his hands above his head. “My hair will get wet and I don't want to be soaked up. The humidity it's already making it look terrible and I do not appreciate that.” He made a throwing gesture with his hand, changing the subject. “But you haven't answered my question. How?”

Lovino smirked. “Heh. You're such a pussy. 'my hair will get wet’, only losers like you could have said that.” He rolled his eyes. “Also, it's not your freaking business.” He ignored Francis and sipped on his lemonade. 

Silence. And then...

“Look at how happy Antoine is.” Francis started talking with melancholy in his eyes, while looking at the others who were already soaked up and laughing hysterically. “Things with him finally fell into place. He went through so much misery you could only wonder how he keeps smiling like that all the time. So that's why, I want the best for him and his daughter. And I think you're not good enough for him. He deserves so much more than a guy like you.”

Lovino glared at Francis and pressed his lips together. “He's not always smiling.” He decided to ignore the other rude things that he said and the aching feeling in his stomach.

“Huh?” He looked at him questioningly.

“He's not smiling all the time.” He repeated, looking at Francis with fiery determination in his eyes. He then looked at Antonio and licked his lips. “There are just… a few moments…” He frowned. “In the morning, he… he often doesn't know that I'm awake and he just looks at the ceiling with such blank eyes, it terrifies me.” He was silent for a few minutes and then he looked at Francis and took a sip of his drink. “But of course, that's not your fucking business.”

“Hmm… interesting.”

They both stopped talking and just watched the others make fools of themselves, wetting themselves and taking photos, but the thing that Francis said was unfortunately stuck in his mind now.  _ 'Not good enough for him. _ ’ Of course he was not good enough. A sunny, kind and, dare he say, cute person like Antonio couldn't match with an awful, moody personality and attitude like his. So that's why, Lovino couldn't understand just how, how could Antonio be so keen on keeping him as close as possible?

He sighed an rubbed his eye. He remembered that he has to call Veneziano to see if he didn't accidentally kill himself doing a stupid thing like putting a fork in the microwave with his noodles. Like, who the fuck does that, really? How dumb can you be to fuck up like that?

“Hey! Don't you guys want to play?” Antonio came running and laughing breathlessly at the table with a bucket in his wet hands.

Francis held up his hand. “No thanks, I'm alright right here. Dry and nice.”

Antonio nodded and then turned to Lovino with expectant eyes and a bright smile.

“Oh no, no fucking way, I dare you to ask me that. I double dare you.” He scowled at him, fisting his hands.

“Oh, come on, just have a little bit of fun, that's why we're here anyway! Come play with me!”

“No.”

“Please?” Antonio pressed on, making a kicked puppy expression and Lovino pouted. Goddammit, why did he had to do that? Antonio knew that he couldn't resist at such a pleading face.

He threw his hands into the air. “Fine. FINE. Just quit looking like you're about to call your mother to check under your bed for monsters, dammit.” He got up, put some bills on the table and addressed Francis. “I guess you have to pay for these with that little Spanish you know, you poor stupid bastard.”

Francis only smirked. “Poor bastard indeed. At least I'm not the one who has to get wet in plain sight. If you know what i mean.” He winked and laughed at Lovino's embarrassed and pouty face.

And with that, Antonio took him away with his strong and tanned and wet and disgusting hand, and dragged him away to the centre of the plaza. Lovino noticed that Eliza no longer had fun with her stupid balloons, but was taking photos of strangers around her, and Gilbert was waiting for Antonio with a bucket.

“You take this, I'm gonna go annoy Eliza.” Gilbert held out the bucket to Lovino as they approached him and then he left.

They put themselves into position and Lovino took out a balloon and threw it, hitting Antonio's arm. Antonio bursted into laughter and threw one too, missing him by an inch. The silliness of the game and Antonio's contagious laugher made him loosen up a bit and crack a smile.

He was always moving, not letting Antonio hit him with that nasty wet shit but when he threw the balloons, Antonio seemed to like getting drenched to the core and actually welcomed the cold feeling of the water, a thing that made Lovino laugh a bit by his foolishness.

After a few more throws and misses, he crouched just as Antonio threw a balloon but he miscalculated and the balloon hit him straight in his face, soaking him up completely. He looked at Antonio's surprised and kind of concerned face, but before he could say anything, he bursted into laughter and popped the remaining balloons from his bucket. Antonio laughed confusedly, not knowing if he should do that and tried to take another balloon to throw it to the slowly nearing Lovino who had a wicked smile on his face, but before he could do anything, Lovino threw the whole water from his bucket on Antonio, who had too little time to anticipate his move, making a puddle of water on the sidewalk.

Lovino laughed, not even caring that the people around the plaza gave them weird and ugly looks. He had to hold his stomach at the sigh of Antonio's burning and staring face, and at his restless hand that roamed into his hair, then made its way to his pocket, then pulled out again and back to his hair.

After he calmed down a bit, in a bust of confidence, he took Antonio by the hand and took him to the restaurant where Francis sat with an amused sparkle on his eyes. They sat down and Lovino sighed, the last trace of his awkward smile disappearing. He looked at Antonio's blushing face and raised an eyebrow.

“What happened to you? The cat bit your tongue?” He asked, wiping his face with his hand.

“No, I, I'm just, you…” he struggled to form his sentences but it was not working. He gulped. “You were just, so, so… Cute!” He held his face with his hands and finally smiled, pure adoration into his sparkling green eyes. “So, so adorable oh my God! So cute!”

Lovino only huffed embarrassedly. “I'm not cute, you bastard, I'm not!”

But Antonio only continued. “You're so cute and awkward and adorable when you smile! I love you so much. So cute!~”

Lovino wanted to say that he's not fucking awkward but then, Gilbert came and slapped his hands on the table, a satisfied-looking Eliza on his tracks.

“What. The. Fuck. Was that.” He shouted right in his face. “I never knew you could smile like that!”

Lovino frowned. “Well, now with you here, I'm never going to smile again.”

“Aaaaand everything is gone now. Thanks Gil.” Eliza butted in, rolling her eyes.

“So,” Francis laughed at the sight of the other four, “what should we do now?”

Gilbert frowned at Francis’ laugh and then a wicked smile appeared on his face as he took out the last balloon from his bucket. Francis couldn't react fast enough, only making a straight up horrified face in realisation, and the balloon hit him right into his hairy dumb face.

“ **_Merde_ ** !” He shouted, running his hands panickly through his -now wet- hair as everyone laughed at him. Even Lovino cracked an amused smirk. He got up from the table and held his hands up, looking at himself with huge eyes. He then sighed and looked at Gilbert with disappointment.

“I hope your parents are proud of you.”

Gilbert tried to muffle his laughter, holding his stomach, but to no avail. “Well I sure am!” 

“Tsk.” Francis crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. “Now we need to go to the motorhome and change clothes, happy?”

Gilbert wiped a tear from his eye. “Yeah, absolutely. Let's go.”

Gilbert went to the restaurant to return the buckets, thanking the staff and the manager. They all got their backpacks, cases and messanger bags and hopped on their bikes, Gilbert and Eliza on their skateboards, racing through the city to get faster to the outskirts of Barcelona, but for the first time in a while, Lovino had...fun.

**XxX**

The motorhome was a big one, as mentioned before, but small on the inside, perfect for exactly four people. It was painted in multiple blue hues and it had a drawing of Van Gogh on its left side, near the door, saying “Gogh fuck yourself!” The inside was clean and pretty, exactly the opposite of Gilbert's messy personality, except for the unpacked luggages in the middle of it. It had an opening to the driving part so that the ones driving could communicate with the others in the back and switch places easily. It had two king sized beds, one under the other, having to climb to get to the second one, a kitchenette with a refrigerator, a washing machine and multiple cupboards. It also had two closets and the narrow and little bathroom was squished in the corner, but at least it had a shower and everything that was needed. It also had a door where the first bed was, giving privacy to whoever sleeps there.

They changed clothes and thought of what to do next, when Gilbert told them that they need to go back to the plaza to party, obviously. It was only 8pm thought, they needed to wait a bit before getting crazy, so they planned to sleep a bit but then, out of nowhere, Antonio remembered about a place that had to be visited at all costs, right now, according to him. He looked pretty excited, so while the others refused and stayed behind, surfing the net, singing at the ukulele, sleeping, Lovino was dragged to the middle of Barcelona again by an loud and excited Antonio.

They stopped at some little restaurant on the way to order tapas takeaway and something to drink and at Lovino's confused face, Antonio just winked, saying that it's for later. Lovino only thought what in the world he was planning.

They continued they cycling through the city until they neared some kind of hill. They left their bikes and had a pretty hard time climbing it, the backpacks adding to the struggle, but once they were there, at the top of the hill, Antonio put his hands on Lovino's eyes, not letting him see anything.

“Wha-? What are you doing, you bastard?” Lovino tried to escape Antonio's strong hands but he just laughed.

“Wait a minute, wait just a bit more!” Antonio passionately said, laughing and moving along with Lovino, positioning him then stopping in place.

Lovino calmed down at Antonio's voice, trying to trust him, but even if he tried, there was still that little paranoic and irrational whisper in his soul that Antonio was going to throw him over the side of the cliff.

Antonio shrieked in happiness and released Lovino's eyes. He blinked a bit, trying to get used to the light, but once he noticed what was in front of him, he involuntarily gasped and his eyes grew in size.

It was… Lovino had no words to describe it. He could see absolutely everything. The orange ball of fire that looked complete as it drowned in the vastness of the sea, the city's lights that began to flicker one by one as the night came, the stone, the trees that came to life as the sun kissed them, the shadow birds that fled to their homes on the magenta sky that blushed from the sun's touch, the lovely 360° view of the city that Lovino loved with all his heart. It was absolutely amazing.

Movements from besides him made him snap from his daze and he took a photo of the truly, too beautiful view, that didn't have to be edited at all. He only thought how could Antonio find such a place, such a magical place?

He looked at Antonio, who sat down on the cold surface of the stones, putting the containers with tapas and the drinks between them. He then looked up at him with an strange, small smile and patted the surface beside him, a sign meaning that Lovino should probably sit.

He sat down, still mesmerized by the view and Antonio leaned in, getting a strand of hair from Lovino's face with a soft touch of his fingers. He looked at him, trying to find his voice but nothing came out.

“Do you like it?” Antonio whispered and gently smiled.

Lovino looked back at the view and gulped a few times, trying to speak his mind, but all he could say was a whispered 'yes.’

Antonio looked at the view too, put his hand on Lovino's hand and then he talked in the softest voice Lovino had ever heard.

“These are the  _ Bunkers del Carmel _ . It isn't a well known place so that's why it's so peaceful in here.” And he was right. Only a pretty girl and a couple were sitting around the bunkers, taking photos of the lights that illuminated the city. “These stones you see here were used as anti-aircraft batteries, built here during the Spanish Civil War for protection against bombings. My father used to take me up here and tell me stories about all kinds of things. After he passed away and after I moved to Madrid, I swore to never bring anyone up here again, no matter what.”

Lovino bit his lip. “But you brought me.”

Antonio sadly laughed, looking at him with shiny eyes. “Yeah I did! You see,” he looked back at the view, “this was my most important place, a sacred land where only me and my father were allowed to step into. But then I met you and I fell in love and then I woke up one morning thinking 'Damn, I have to bring him here sometimes’.”

Lovino gulped, a guilty feeling begining to form in his gut. “But why?” He stuttered.

Antonio looked at him. “Because I love you, of course. When I swore to never bring anyone in here, I never knew I could love someone with so much passion like you. I never knew someone was going to top my father. But I had to bring you here. When my father passed away, I thought I could never get over it, but I did. When I got into that trouble in highschool I thought I would never escape that phase, but I did. But if you ever left me, God Lovino, I don't think I could get over it. So I had to bring you here, before all of this crumbles down.”

Lovino looked surprised at him, a panicky feeling rising in him. “Why do you think this is going to crumble?”

Antonio looked a long time at Lovino and then he spoke. “I sometimes think I'm not good enough for you.”

At that, Lovino involuntarily snorted. “Really? You're not good enough for me? Look at yourself dammit, you're more than enough.” And with that he looked away, embarrassed of saying such a sappy thing.

Antonio didn't say anything for a moment, only looking at the lights. Lovino looked at him, debating on whether to ask him if he's alright or shut up and not break this pacefulness. He decided to just shut up. He wasn't too good with words and feelings anyway. He just wondered how many more secrets and things Antonio hid under that pretty smile of his.

Right where he stood, the lights from the city and the moon that rose on the star-filled night sky were dancing on Antonio's curly hair, on his small, round nose, on his lips that, even now when he didn't smile, were curved naturally upwards. His intense green eyes held a fiery passion in it and Lovino was could say that he was charmed by them. He looked….vulnerable, a feeling Lovino knew all too well. But even so, Antonio was a good looking 21 years old piece of ass so he took a photo of him.

Antonio, surprised by the light that just flashed, looked at Lovino with a questioning look.

Lovino just smiled at him tenderly like he was the only thing in the world that he could see, smiled at him in his awkward way of smiling because Antonio, well, he kind of…

“Let's just eat you big baby.”

Kind of...

Antonio laughed like a stone was raised off his chest. “It's a date!”

...deserved it.

**XxX**

The people crowded around Lovino reminded him of some beer bottles that he saw on a table in front of the club: empty, scattered around and useless. Sidecar club was a small, dark and intimate club in the heart of Barcelona but even if the space was narrow and even if it was really crowded, it was very popular to the youth that loved rock, indie or wild music in general. It was 3am and Lovino felt so out of place as the blue and red lights blinded him and the booming sounds of the crazy-ass music made him go deaf and the room shake, that he already ordered his fifth beer.

He was sitting at the long, lit up bar, smiling at the barista when he caught her eye and the others were on the dance floor, if it could be called like that, so Lovino didn't have a clear vision of them. Not as if he cared what they were doing, he was busy getting drunk anyway to forget this horrible day.

He didn't belong in here. He was drowning in the sea of wild, disgusting bullshit, sweaty erotic dancing all over the place, choruses of ' _ what’s _ ’, yelled at eachother, fake smiles when the others didn't hear you, deciding to pretend that they cared enough and pale skinned idiots who danced to a beat they could not follow and to words they could not understand. All of this place was filled with people that could mug you at any time, so why dance with strangers in the first place? He could never understand the others, who seemed to enjoy this atmosphere.

_ Booze. Sweat _ . Lovino hated them.

_ “Heeey, what's your problem, sluuuttt?” _

And then a man was suddenly slammed on the bar near Lovino, knocking over his beer and making him jump from his booth from fright but then he saw Gilbert and Eliza fighting three men that were five times bigger than them. Antonio was sitting near Francis with an worried expression, shouting at them to stop and Francis wasn't even paying attention, choosing to flirt with some random girl rather than caring about those two.

_ Fake ass bitch _ .

Eliza was sitting on a guy's chest, slapping him and cursing him with all of her power and scowling at him with all of her hate while Gilbert was getting beaten up more than actually beating the shit out of those other two guys.

They were pulling her hair. They were bruising the white flesh of the rabbit. They were scratching the flesh of the support-gloves wearer. They were wrestling on the ground. But she was slapping him with fear in her eyes, fear which seemed so familiar for her. He was kicking them with all of his power, again and again and  _ again _ , but he always got a few punches in return. And all Lovino could do was watch in known fright.

_ Booze. Sweat. Blood _ . Lovino hated them.

Someone called the security.

And all of this was over.

He found himself sitting near the fountain from  _ Plaça Reial _ in a daze, eyes unfocused and staring at Eliza and Gilbert, who were making wild gestures with their bruised arms and scowling with their kicked faces. Antonio was sitting beside him, occasionally looking at him from the corner of his eyes and then averting his eyes back to the problematic duo. Francis took off with some girl.

“He called me a slut! What the fuck was I suppose to do? Give him a kiss and then prise him for his intelligence?” Eliza fisted her hands.

Gilbert threw his hands in the air. “You could have shut up and take the fucking compliment, not drag me in your petty fight with  _ two _ of those beasts even.”

Eliza took him by the shirt and shouted in his face. “It was not a fucking compliment you stupid worthless child! You better apologise for saying that, you monster.”

Gilbert angrily smirked. “Make me.”

Eliza spit right into his face and let go of his collar. “You're not better that those men.”

Antonio sadly sighed from beside Lovino and got up from the bench, making his way to Gilbert in an attempt to calm him down. Eliza then sat on the bench, trying to calm herself down or trying not to cry. Lovino couldn't tell.

He looked at Eliza's ruffled hair from the corner of his eye and noticed that her cheek was getting swollen up. He got up from the bench and extended his arm towards her.

“Come.”

She looked confused at him, but her frown didn't disappear completely, so Lovino could say that he was kind of scared of her. He hesitantly pulled away his hand and ran it through his hair.

Eliza looked away and got up from the bench. She crossed her arms and didn't say a thing, only fixing Lovino with an intense stare. He bit his lip and started walking, urging Eliza to follow him. She hesitated a bit, but then followed him. Lovino looked at Antonio, who gave him an understanding nod and a reassuring smile.

They walked a bit in silence, entering a more peaceful and not that crowded neighborhood, kicking pebbles with their feet and listening to the wind. They found an small shop where Lovino brought an icepack for Eliza's cheek. They sat down on some old swing near the shop and looked at the stars in silence. And only then she started talking.

“I hate men sometimes.”

Lovino looked at her, not knowing what to say, but it seemed that Eliza didn't need something to be added to that statement, looking at the stars with a disturbed and wondering expression on her face.

“I hate that women are always treated like that, like a piece of worthless meat, just to satisfy men's desires and violent tendencies. I hate that I'm always told to take the fucking compliment when it's an insult to my whole being. I hate that I have to hide these kinds of marks on my body with makeup every fucking week. I'm so tired.” She looked like the problem ran deeper than she was telling him but Lovino didn't dare to ask. She then sighed.

“You're a kind man Lovino. Don't even change.”

At that, he wanted to snort -him? kind?- but it only left him stuttering and reddening. He was nodding his head negatively, embarrassed at the statement.

He finally found his awkward voice. “Me? Kind? What the fuck did I do?”

Eliza smiled for the first time this night. “Nothing. You just listened to me.” She jumped from the swing and tied up her ruffled hair in a high ponytail. “Thanks. Let's see what the others are up to. After all, we still have 8 more hours to spend in here.”

They started walking. Lovino was surprised. How could she pretend that she wasn't bothered anymore that easily? Lovino never understood her.

He remembered something. “Hey, isn't your head hurting? You took a pretty bad fall at the cemetery today after all.”

“No, not really. I mostly passed out of sheer panic that I was hitting the ground than passing out because of hitting my head.” She laughed.

A pause. “Were you able to take some photos before falling?”

“Yeah, I took photos of people's faces mostly, but I think I got some scenery too. I'll give you those.”

Lovino smirked. “Thanks. And I'll give you the photo I took of the lady with the drinks from the club.”

“You took a photo of her? Thanks! She was pretty, with those green eyes and tanned face.”

“Yeah.” Lovino looked at the stars. “yeah…” he said again, quieter this time as he remembered another green-eyed tanned face.

**XxX**

“And then me and Luddy went to the park and we got food on the way and when I tried feeding him some pasta he blushed kind of like you when brother Toni does something cute to you, but with a prettier shade of red and after that-”

“Shouldn't you be asleep at this hour? Also couldn't you call me?”

Veneziano pouted from the little screen of Lovino's phone. “I was having trouble with a painting for a customer. I just couldn't get the shade right and I lost track of time. Also my belly hurts. I think I ate too much gelato.”

“Mhmm…” Lovino yawned. They were walking around the city, a weird tension hanging around them. Of course, Antonio wasn't affected by it and he kept talking to Gilbert and Eliza, who were giving murderous states to eachother. And Lovino was too busy talking to Veneziano to care about their damn problems.

“Are you tired? You should sleep! It's not good to stay up so late! When was the last time you slept?”

Lovino bit his lip. “We have a schedule. We have to visit the cities 24 hours and then we can sleep for 7 hours or something.”

“That's not a way to live!” Veneziano gasped. “Brother, you need to sleep, it's not healthy drinking coffee all day and staying awake at night!”

“Hey, look, I have to go, there is no signal here. Bye.”

“But I hear you loud and cl-”

“Bye Veneziano.” He rolled his eyes and ended the video chat.

God, he was so tired of Veneziano bitching about his way of living. He knew it wasn't healthy but no way he's going to tell him that he didn't sleep for almost 48 hours, what the fuck? Even he was amazed by how he's still standing and not passing out right here in the middle of the fucking road.

“Hey, are you okay?” Antonio came by and hooked his arm with Lovino's arm.

Lovino was surprised by the sudden question and he stuttered. “Yeah, I'm.. yeah. Just Veneziano.”

“Oh okay.” He softly smiled. “The others began racing eachother and I'm a little worried.” Antonio said as he was handing his bike back to him. “We should probably see if they won't get into trouble again.”

Lovino scoffed. “I'm not their fucking mom, they can take care of themselves.” He then lowered his voice. “Couldn't we just stay behind and enjoy this peace while it lasts?”

Antonio laughed. “Tempting. But I'm worried. You already saw how violent they can get when together.”

Lovino looked at the stars and shrugged. It seemed that his exhaustion put off his stubbornness. “Yeah, alright.”

Antonio looked surprised but quickly smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, suddenly pulling him closer to him. “Take care, you almost ran into a lamppost, haha.~”  

Lovino blushed and clutched the bike's handles tightly, but smirked nonetheless. “Sorry, I got lost in your eyes.”

And then he was ready to climb the highest building and jump into the emptiness, the impact of the ground killing him instantly.

But of course, it didn't happen.

Did he really just… flirted with him? He flirted with his boyfriend! In your face Veneziano, Francis and the whole fucking world, he did it!

He wanted to keep looking at the stars but he noticed that Antonio was breathing heavier and he quickly looked at him, a ghost of his smirk on his face.

Antonio was… redder that he had ever seen him, really. He was restless, tapping on the bike with his fingers and mouthing some words over and over again. Lovino was amazed. Did he realty make Antonio, Antonio of all people blush like a damn tomato? Was it really that easy to flirt with guys? Lovino never thought that it could be as easy as flirting with girls.

“Are you alright?” He asked him. Huh. It seemed that alcohol made him say dumb shit like that. Repeatedly.

Antonio looked at him and smiled the brightest smile ever. “Oh my God Lovino, you are so cute, don't ever change my sweetheart.” He kissed him passionately on the lips.

“Don't ever change.”

And there they were, walking after two skating hooligans, trying to reach a hairy sex-god on the phone, smiling at eachother like two dwebs, having the reddest blushes possible and being the happiest couple alive.

**XxX**

A pretty dressed girl, a bookish lady, a business woman, a hoodie-wearing miss, a trashy sweetheart, a masculine chick, a peachy dame, a cheeky babe, a bubbly maiden, Spanish, French, American, Jamaican, Korean, Russian, Indian, Egyptian, Tibetan, Francis loved them all. So when they finally reached him, they were not surprised to find out that he's been sleeping with some random girl in her apartment. He stayed on the phone as he dressed up and left the place, talking about her pretty house and her soft sheets and her intense eyes and her killer pussy-

Yeah.

And the others were forced to listen to all of Francis’ talk about how insanely good she was in bed, trying to interrupt him and ask him where the fuck he was so that they could be all together, but to no avail. Francis didn't let them talk.

They eventually saw him as he hurriedly exited a door, hair disheveled with random bobby pins in it and ruffled clothes like he just dressed up quickly, making sure that his sex-friend didn't wake up so that he could leave her waking up tomorrow morning to an empty bed and empty heart.

Which was probably the case.

“Hey fuckface! Come here! I'll beat your ass for all that unnecessary information!” Lovino shouted at him.

“But I don't want to be beaten up after such an amazing night!” He shouted back.

Lovino made eye contact with Gilbert and he gave him an nod. Lovino didn't understand it at first, but as he saw him running in Francis’ direction, he smirked and ran after him.

Francis made a frightened yelp and ran away from the two, Eliza and Antonio following them with all of their stuff in their hands. They got to a parking lot where Gilbert, who was faster than Lovino, caught Francis’ hands and stopped him instantly. They almost fell down but they bursted into a breathless and amused laugher.

Lovino sat down on some stairs near the parking lot and tried to control his irregular breathing and flushed face, taking deep breaths. He didn't know what came over him to go along with Gilbert's plan, or whatever that marathon running was, but he did it! He did it and damn, he felt good for a few minutes before the road began to sway under his feet.

Antonio cycled next to Lovino, got down, sat next to him and touched his back with his hand.

“Hey, are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Lovino looked at him, trying not to shove his hand off his back and ran his hand through his hair. “Just dizzy.”

“Anton! Come here you tralala-fairy!” Gilbert shouted as he danced and laughed with Francis.

Antonio looked at Lovino, a pleading look on his face.

Lovino snorted. “Just go you big baby, I'm not your mother to give you permission.”

Antonio smiled at him and kissed his cheek. “Thanks!” He got up and ran to his two other friends. Lovino looked at them, laughing and singing and dancing like some drunk idiots, making fools of themselves and not giving any fucks about it, and he realised that he's never going to get to that level of comfort with someone, not even Antonio.

When you desperately want something in life, you won't get it. That's the first rule Lovino learned from his shitty father. Any attempt to to escape the negative, to avoid it, only backfires. So that's why, Lovino tried not giving a fuck about anything in general.

But he failed.

He failed miserably. Every time he said that he won't care about his future, about his career, about his love life, about his prupouse in life, he caught himself in the middle of the night crying over his thoughts of being unlovable, lonely and desperate. He began distancing himself from the people around him because what was the point? What was the point of staying and talking and having fun with people when he knew his future will destroy every dream he has?

And then he met Antonio and everything burst into colour.

Antonio gave him attention. He reassured him. He cherished him. He loved him unconditionally. And even thought Lovino didn't understand just why and how he could've fallen in love with such an ugly and rude person like Lovino, he was glad to have someone like him in his life. He became more open with others and even began talking with men too.

But at times like these, when he saw the three old best friends having unapologetic fun, he was jealous. His old feelings were getting to him again, making him remember that it has no point to ask for love and attention. That it will, one day, crumble down, leaving only despair and broken hearts.

It had no point, so why?

Why was he clinging to Antonio? Why was he still asking for friendship? For love?

For acceptance?

Why?

“These idiots really makes you wish you had such an relationship, huh?” Eliza sat down beside him, stretching her arms and making him snap out of his depressive thoughts. “It's like they're a married couple or something!” She laughed.

Lovino looked at her in wonder and then lowered his eyes. “Yeah.”

She softly kicked Lovino's arm. “Hey, what's up? Don't tell me you're really jealous?”

Lovino bit his lip. “No, not really.”

Eliza just looked at him in silence for a few minutes and then smiled motherly at him. “Don't worry, dear, I have your back. When you want to talk, I'm here okay? I'll be your big sis!”

Lovino looked at her and then he smirked. “How many beers did you have?”

Eliza laughed. “I just had two cocktails!  Nothing too over the top.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. And I'm the queen of England.”

She laughed but then a comfortable silence fell over them as they watched the trio sing Cotton Eye Joe and dancing in the eerie, deserted parking lot.

But he felt better, strangely enough.

“But can you do THIS?” Gilbert shouted, laughing maniacally as he started breakdancing. The others laughed at him with tears in their eyes as Antonio took a step forward, hitting Gilbert's leg with his leg and making him fall down. Francis bursted into laughter, holding his stomach and covering his red face with his hand.

“Not cool, bro. Not cool.” Gilbert raised an arm, smirking at him. Antonio pulled him up and took him and Francis by the shoulder, making a gesture of 'follow me’ to Lovino as they started going away, singing dumb Dean Martin songs at the top of their lungs.

“Well, I guess we have to follow them.” Eliza got up and rolled her eyes, smiling.

**XxX**

“Where the fuck is my toothbrush?” Gilbert threw another shirt from his luggage, making even more mess than necessary.

Eliza frowned while picking up his shit from the floor. “Are you sure that you brought it?”

“Yes, I'm fucking sure, I saw it just a minute ago!” And then he lowered his voice. “Someone stole it.”

Eliza smirked. “Oh my, I wonder who is that someone.”

Gilbert looked at her intensely. “It was you.”

Eliza looked at the ceiling. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

Gilbert jumped up and ran after her. “Give it to me, you thootbrush stealer!”

“Never!”

They were about to go to sleep when Gilbert went crazy over his toothbrush. Lovino was sitting in the bed beside Antonio and Francis, going through his photos on his laptop and saving them, occasionally taking a glance to the two idiots. Antonio and Francis laughed at them, seemingly innocent but even so, Lovino already saw the stolen toothbrush at Antonio's back. He sighed tiredly and saved another photo.

“Why are you always so serious Lovino? Have a little fun!” Francis leaned in, putting a hand on Antonio's chest.

Lovino looked at the hand and frowned in disgust. It seemed like he had to disinfect Antonio later. “Does it bother you?”

“Hmmm… a little bit, yeah.” Francis mused.

Lovino looked at the other idiots, who were fighting on the ground. “Hey! Does it bother you that I'm so serious?” He shouted at them.

They stopped fighting for a moment, Eliza on top of Gilbert. “Ummmm.. I don't know? Maybe?” Gilbert said.

Lovino frowned. “Oh, would you like to hear a joke?”

“A joke from Lovino? Okay, shoot!” Gilbert enthusiastically.

“Okay. Knock knock.”

“Who's there?” Francis continued.

Lovino looked back to his laptop and flipped them off. “Go fuck yourselves.”

“Not cool, man.” Gilbert’s face fell as tried to get up from the floor, but to no avail. He was trapped under Eliza's fat ass.

Antonio put his head on Lovino's shoulder. “This feels like highschool sleepovers.” He said.

Lovino didn't respond, not knowing how that felt like.

“Yeah right? The only thing that's missing it's the weed, alcohol and gossips.” Gilbert said as he flopped in the bed at their feet. Huh. Seems like Eliza let him get away.

“Those were wild nights.” Francis added as he gave Gilbert his toothbrush. “You would always jump from every window you saw, shouting 'I’m so AWESOME!’. And Antonio here always serenaded that cute Belgian girl.” Francis winked and laughed.

“Oh yeah, I remember. Do you remember Anton?”

Antonio laughed awkwardly, making Lovino look at him in worry. He had a really pale face and his hands started to fidget. “Haha, yeah. I remember.”

Francis noticed the weird change in demeanour too and dropped the subject. “I think I'm going to sleep, after all, I need my beauty sleep to remain this gorgeous.” He winked again and got out of the bed.

“Yeah, I think I'm going too. I don't want Eliza to take the whole bed.” Gilbert got up too and made his way to the door.

“Good night you lovebirds.~” Francis winked looking back at them. “Don't be too loud in bed. Some people are trying to sleep in here.” He laughed.

“Shut the fuck up, you piece of shit!” Lovino got up and slammed the door shut. He made his way to where Antonio was with a pouty face, taking his laptop and putting it in the nightstand from his side of his bed and then he got into the bed, as far away from Antonio as possible. “Let's just sleep already.”

Antonio looked at him and smiled softly. “Okay, my sweetheart.” He leaned in and kissed him sweetly.

They put the lights out and then silence.

...

Lovino was restless. He didn't knew what to do. His insomnia was kicking in and he was staring at the ceiling, trying to count sheep until he got tired of them, killing them with a huge bazooka. God, at this rate, he's not going to get sleep soon. And the light from outside wasn't really helping him.

“Come here.” Two strong arms caught Lovino and pulled him close to their owner. Lovino was surprised at first, but leaned his face into Antonio's chest, letting up a small sigh. Antonio held him close, running his hands through Lovino's hair and softly kissing his forehead.

He took Antonio in his arms, and closed his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips as he smelt the sweet aroma of Antonio, but right as he was about to succumb to the darkness, he remembered the biggest mistake he had ever done and asked one last question in a groggy voice.

“Did we lock the door?”

And then he fell asleep, unaware of everything that was happening around him.

In the morning…

Chaos.


	3. So maybe I'm not okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!
> 
> AFC- Antonio's pov  
> EH.- Eliza's pov
> 
> Trigger warning for mentions of suicide and depression
> 
> SEX SCENES AHEAD!
> 
> Ciao!~

**_“Can I be real a second?_ **

**_For just a millisecond?_ **

**_Let down my guard and tell the people how I feel a second?”_ **

_ -Lin Manuel Miranda _

_ (Hamilton the musical) _

**XxX**

Antonio moved his hand from Lovino's nipples over his sweaty body to grip Lovino's hips, laid his head on his shoulder then  _ stopped _ .

“Fuck, fuck, no, you can't just do that, nO- GODDAMMIT ANTONIO LET ME COME!”

Out of breath, Antonio smirked, running his fingertips over Lovino's red chest. “No.”

Lovino made a strangled noise, arching his back and taking Antonio's hair in his hand as he kissed his neck. “I hate you so much.”

Antonio merely laughed. “I love you too!”

They stayed like that for a minute, breathing hard, kissing eachother softly and running their fingers on their boyfriend's body, when Antonio took a deep breath and looked into Lovino's eyes. “Are you alright?”

Lovino frowned at him. “Besides my hard dick that needs to cum after you stoped SIX times already, yes I'm perfectly fucking fine.”

Antonio breathed a sigh of relief. “Good, this will be the last time.”

“Last time wha-!” Lovino was interrupted as Antonio started moving inside of him again, making him wordlessly whine and grab the sheets in desperation. His breath quickened again at Antonio's painfully slow and passionate movements.

He reached up to pull Antonio down. “Kiss-fuck- kiss me.” He said with a strained voice, and Antonio did, fully aware that he was losing control. Lovino wrapped his shaky legs around him, making hot moaning sounds into his mouth as Antonio fastened his pace. Eventually, Antonio had to break the kiss to breathe, resting his head on his lover's shoulder and moaning “Fuck, Lovino.”

Curled toes, heavy gasps, frowny face, shaking body and a rough hand pulling his hair, that's all that Antonio needed to know to understand that Lovino was close. He could stop now, as Lovino was reaching his climax, and play with him a little more but the problem was that he didn't know if he can stop anymore, not when he was this close himself.

“Lovino, I…” He looked at Lovino's face.

“God, just shut up! Shut up and come with me, dammit. Don't stop again.” He said with a trembling voice as he put his forehead on Antonio's own, frowning in ecstasy and moving his hips with Antonio, and that was all he needed to hear to lose control. He let out a sigh of relief and let his body drive into Lovino faster and harder.

Lovino screamed into his hand and arched his back, coming around Antonio, against him as he let out a scream of his own. As Antonio came inside of him, struggling to remember how to breath as his orgasm consumed him even still, Lovino's legs tightened around him, his vision blurred and his hands grabbed the sheets tightly. He screamed Antonio's name over and over again through his fingers, until they became mere pants.

They were both breathing hard as the last traces of the orgasm disappeared. Antonio fell on Lovino, nuzzling his face into his rosy chest and tracing his fingers on Lovino's shivering body while whispering how much he loved him and his body.

When he came back to himself, Lovino put his arm on Antonio's face, softly caressing him.

“Are you okay?” Antonio asked with a soft voice.

“I’m sure I blacked out for a second there.” He laughed lightly.

Antonio looked at him and put his hand on Lovino's nuzzling hand. “You're kidding right?” He sounded concerned, but also blissful.

Lovino opened one eye to look down at him. “Antonio, I can't fucking feel my legs, my hands are tingling and my ears are ringing like hell. Do you think this is a fucking joke?”

Antonio let out a soft breath and put his face on Lovino's chest again. “I went a little over the top this time.”

“You think?” Lovino lazily responded as his hand kept running through his curly hair.

“Mmm...no.”Antonio closed his eyes and sighed.

Lovino opened his eyes and looked at the clock, nudging Antonio. “Hey, its 3am, we have to go.” But even as he said that, he made no move to get up.

Antonio spinned around, falling on his back and putting Lovino on his stomach, who let out a shriek as he finally exited him.

“What the fuck Antonio, don't scare me like that!”

“Just a few more minutes okay? I want to enjoy our time before anyone calls us to meet them.” Antonio smiled and gently put Lovino beside him, hugging him and tangling his legs with Lovino's own.

Lovino sighed and said nothing, just looking into Antonio's beautiful green eyes and tracing his thumb on his face, trying to memorize again everything that was Antonio, sweet, kind Antonio. Every little star that lit Antonio's eyes when he saw him, every little wrinkle in the corner of his eyes as he smiled at him, his naturally turned up lips, his single dimple as he smiled, his curly hair that needed to be cut since it almost got into his eyes.

He loved every little detail that made Antonio, Antonio.

He… he probably taught him how to make love and love a person in general. All by himself. And really, the only thing he had to do was love him. Hold him. Accept him how he is. Like the first time they had sex. Antonio probably believed him when he said he knew what he was doing back then since he was Italian and Italians know everything about being passionate and good lovers. But. He didn't. He was scared to death that he might get hurt or hurt Antonio. He absolutely didn't know what he was doing, letting Antonio take the lead.

And it was painful. God, how he hated that weird feeling as Antonio entered him for the first time. But even so, Antonio only made sure he was alright. He kept asking him if he was okay -are you alright? Tell me if you want to stop- and he was so, so careful with him that all the pain and fears vanished instantly and melted into a burning feeling of love and desire.

He was sure that Antonio wouldn't love him anymore after this. That he was going to throw him away now that he got he chance to fuck him and never smile at him again. That he's going to feel revolted that he ever touched such a scarred body, such a skinny and small piece of toy.

But...he was wrong.

Because when he saw Antonio next to him, breathing contentedly and repeating how much he loved him,  _ lovehimlovehimlovehimlovehim _ , him, his amazing body and his wonderful personality, him and his indecipherable beautiful eyes and his astonishing smile, he realized that Antonio wasn't going to leave him alone that easily.

Obviously, he was stunned. He could hardly believe it. Was this possible? To have sex that both participants would enjoy, just because they loved eachother? Was that little four letters word the only ingredient to make the lovemaking really pleasurable?

Impossible.

That was certainly a new other experience for him.

In his household, back in Venice, he never saw these kinds of things. He thought that his mother and father loved eachother and that abuse was a normal thing to do. Slaps, alcohol, blue eyes and even rape, he saw it all. And it looked painful. He didn't want that. He didn't want to be like his mother, drinking away her pain with empty eyes and sleeping with other men on every chance she got, even bringing to this world two other human beings with another man. He didn't want to be like his father, leaving his family behind and never reaching out to them again, choosing to be oblivious of the bad things happening in that household. He didn't want love if love consisted of those things.

He then went through a lot of shit in highschool, sleeping around with other girls, going to therapy, getting high like a kite, beating the shit out of others...

But then Antonio showed up and made him realize that his parents’ love wasn't love at all.

And then things happened, fluffy, shitty things, realising that the feeling inside of him was actually love not hate, getting down on the dancefloor at some lame party, having fun, almost moving in with him, meeting his family, having sex for the first time…

It was nice, it was really nice, even if Lovino was usually uncomfortable with mushy shit like that.

He...

He… had actually  _ cried _ .

Not aloud of course and not when Antonio was still awake -that idiot could sleep like a bull when he wanted to- but the moment he knew for sure that Antonio was fast asleep, he started crying uncontrollably.

That night, was his first time, no matter what other say, no matter that he slept with other girls almost every day back in Italy.

And if he had known that it would be so  _ good _ doing it with a person he truly loved…

Then he would've never had sex for other reasons than love.

He was the most amazing person that Lovino has ever met, the boy with the face like a map. A map without darkness, that was worth exploring. No darkness. That was the most interesting thing. How weird, to be so positive when your world is crashing down. How beautiful Antonio was.

His movements and muttering made Lovino snap out of it and focus on his face again. Huh. Guess he fell asleep because of his thumb that was caressing him even now. He smiled, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and pulled the sheets on them, nuzzling in Antonio's chest and heaving a big sigh.

Guess he's going to clean this dried cum later.

Disgusting.

**XxX**

Valencia.

Gothic and art Deco, old and new, colorful and colourless, modernism and Art Nouveau are combined to create the beautiful and downright weird architecture that was Valencia's.

It was mesmerising, looking at the city and all those colorful roofs in shades of blue, yellow and red, enjoying the breeze and the delicious smell of the foods in every corner, Lovino could say he was enchanted with this place. It was plain, but also not really. It was silent, but also noisy. It was old, but also new. Like a fresh start. Like a fresh deep breath. Like a storm that was approaching hitting you all of a sudden and disappearing just as quickly, leaving you calm and drownsy and melancholic.

They were looking at the city from the top of the Cathedral of Valencia, in the old bell tower full of history, called  _ El Miguelete _ , the fact making Lovino snort in amusement. It sounded like some Spanish bastards that usually name their dick, for example 'massive beast’ or 'the best thing you've ever seen’ or 'little Miguel’ pfft-

Ahem…

This city was so different of Barcelona. While everything about Barcelona was harsh and aggressively bold, Valencia had a softer and modern side, a calmer one, a side full of history. Just strolling through the city made you relax and sit down all day, have a reinvigorating drink or something and just enjoy the view. You didn't have to hurry at all and you didn't have to climb at extremes heights just to see the city.

Even thought it took more than 300 stairs to get to the top of the damn tower.

Lovino sighed and leaned outside the window.

After they woke up, Gilbert actually cleaned the whole motorhome with downright creepy excitement, putting all the things where they should be while Eliza drove to Valencia. Francis was locked up in the bathroom, having motion sickness and grossing everyone out with his vomiting noises. Lovino was paranoid the whole night. On one hand, when he woke up, he didn't notice anything strange in the room him and Antonio slept and he didn't have marker moustaches on his face, but on the other hand, he knew Eliza and her stealthy moves and he wouldn't be surprised if she really did got into their room to take some photos for blackmail.

He was jittery the whole drive and he kept muttering nonsense, planning an irrational revenge on her until Antonio woke up, wished him good morning and kissed his cheek.

And then lips.

And then jaw.

And then neck.

And then chest.

And stomach and thighs and hips and Lovino turned into a blushing panting puddle.

So that's why they left the motorhome as soon as Eliza parked it, booked in a cheap hotel from some near and unimportant street and had amazing and mind-blowing sex for three hours straight -since Antonio loved to delay his orgasm and make him more excited- err... make him suffer- that only left him with a blissful feeling and a literal pain in the ass.

And a sleeping Antonio who didn't wake up for 5 fucking hours.

And here they were, oblivious of the other's plans since those idiots didn't bother calling them, out of breath because of some stairs and not because of something more pleasurable like you know, sex, and hungry like they could eat an entire horse.

But they won't, obviously.

“Hey bastard, are you done?” Lovino looked back at Antonio who was video-chatting with Miss Carmen and Lucia on the phone, holding his cheek with one hand and whispering how cute, how adorable they were.

Antonio looked at him and smiled brightly. “Do you want to talk to them? Here!” He shoved his phone into Lovino's hands and before he could shout at Antonio for being such a moron, he was greeted by miss Carmen's sunny voice.

“Hello dear, how are you? How is Valencia? Do you like it in there? Is dear Toño treating you well? Do you get enough food? Sleep? Do you-”

“Miss Carmen, i know that it's rude to interrupt, but I'm perfectly fine, no need to worry. The question is how are you? How is little Lucía?” He smiled awkwardly at her, praying that she's not going to ask him to call her mom again.

Miss Carmen only laughed. “Oh, nonsense, you could never be rude dear, and I'm as good as I can be, Lucía is healthy although she misses her father terribly.” She smiled sadly at the last words.

Lovino didn't know how to respond to that but luckily, Antonio squealed and took the phone from his hands. “I miss her too, so much, so, so much, you wouldn't believe. Tell her I…” And then he started walking around and blabbering in Spanish. God, he couldn't calm down for one second, that hiperactive moron.

His phone suddenly rang.

“ _ Pronto _ .”

“Um, yeah, hi.” A male, unfamiliar voice answered in Italian.

Lovino frowned and looked at Antonio, who just ended his video-chat, waving at him from across the room.

He waved back awkwardly and turned around, whispering. “Who the fuck is this?”

Nothing was heard on the other line and Lovino was getting goosebumps and a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He checked to see if the person hanged up but no. They were still on line.

He put the phone back to his ear and put his hand on his hip. “Look, whoever the fuck are you, don't call me ever again and don't bother me with your nonesense and heavy breathing, you creep. I hope you go to hell for this.” He was about to hang up when he heard him clear his throat.

“Ahem. Well. It was nice hearing your voice.” And with that he hung up.

Lovino stared at his phone with a troubled expression. Was this a prank? Did some fucker really called him to make him feel weird inside? What the fuck, shit, as if this day wasn't weird enough to begin with.

“Are you alright?”

Lovino looked right in the green eyes of Antonio and sighed, forcing himself to calm down,  _ just calm the fuck down you piece of shit. _ “Yeah, just Veneziano. Hanging out with that blonde moron that claimed to be his friend and shit.”

“Oh Ludwig, okay.” Antonio kissed his cheek. “Hey, let's go eat something. I'm starving!” Antonio smiled delightfully and took his hand.

Even if Lovino wanted to run away to cry in some corner alone in inexplicable fear and even if he got the urge to slap Antonio for no real reason at all, Lovino couldn't do any of these when he saw Antonio's smiling eyes and glowing, healthy skin that radiated for the sheer happiness that this man contained. So he just frowned like usual, deciding that the call it's not worth the trouble and took his hand from Antonio's hand, holding Antonio's belt loops so that he won't get lost in the crouds.

“Aren't you always starving?”

**XxX**

Seafood paella was the best international dish that Lovino has ever tasted in his own life. Of course, on the first place were the Italian dishes, but even so, paella was extraordinary, a truly tasteful masterpiece.

So that's why, when he heard from Antonio that paella was first born in Valencia and that local restaurants and markets made it from the best ingredients, Lovino didn't want to miss the opportunity to taste heaven on his tongue so they ran to a little local, not touristy at all restaurant.

The waiter gave them weird looks when they ordered it, since it was 11am or something, but Lovino didn't give a shit and gave the waiter an intense look that read 'shut the fuck up and bring me my food already!’ or 'don’t questions my life choices, you weren't a part of it, bitch’. The waiter didn't say anything and just brought them that huge pan full of delicious rice and beans and tomatoes and meat and… and…

Snails.

Lovino stared at it and then looked at Antonio. “Valencians put snails in their paella?”

“Sometimes, yeah. Depends.” Antonio smiled and then snapped his finger as if he remembered something. “I'm going to call the others to meet us here, after all, this paella is too big for the two of us. Also Franny would love this dish, I can already hear him, haha, 'exquisite’ is such a funny word.” He took his phone out.

'Shit, Francis and his snails, gross.’ Lovino thought. He pouted and crossed his arms. “I don't want to see those idiots today, especially Eliza.”

Antonio stopped texting. “Why?”

Lovino frowned and leaned in, fidgeting with his ring. “I'm 110% sure she took photos of us while we slept, that manipulative bitch. She's going to use them like blackmail.”

“Well I'm sure she didn't.” He continued texting.

“You don't know that! Maybe she did, I know her ways of thinking, this happened before. I knew her before you, dammit.”

Antonio looked at him for a long time. “You know I know her from when I was like, five years old?”

Holy shit what? Antonio knew her from childhood, what the fuck?

“What the fuck?” He quite literally said.

Antonio hit send on the message and looked at him. “Yeah, she was Gil's best friend until he moved in London. We often fought with sticks together, me and Franny on a team and the other two in the other team. We also thought she was a boy at first because she kept shouting around 'I’m the strongest man alive’, it was hilarious.” He chuckled.

“Oh.” Was all that Lovino could say. He suddenly felt out of place. So all four of them knew eachother from childhood, eh? And he was that freak that came into their lives just one year ago, to torment their lives. An outsider.

“Hey, don't you dare think that you're not our friend, I know that look on your face! You are the most precious person I have ever met Lovino, don't forget that. And even if I know you for only one year, it was enough to bond with you and to love you madly. So don't think that you're in addition here. We are all equal, okay?” Antonio ran his fingers through Lovino's hair to get a curl out of his face.

Lovino felt kind of relieved. His shoulders slumped and he lowered his eyes, blushing and figeting because of Antonio's comment but then he decided not to think about it anymore and smirked at him.

“We're actually better than the rest, because...because we're…” He licked his lips, “we’re supposed to be an item, you bastard. Since we're lov...lovers...and shit.” He looked away again and bit his lip but Antonio took his face with one hand and made him look into those fiery eyes if his that looked at Lovino like some kind of lovestruck, stupid, handsome fool.

“Oh my God, Lovino, you're so adorable and cute and awkward, my sweetheart. I love you so much.” He laughed with a loving and pleasant look.

“Shut up, dammit I'm not awkward.” Lovino muttered and Antonio then took Lovino into a lovely and chaste kiss.

“I leave you lovestruck morons alone for a second and when I come back y'all are eating each others face off.” Gilbert slapped his hands on the table like usual, scaring the shit out of Lovino. He pushed Antonio's face -that was unperturbed by Gilbert, still staring like a fool at him, that moron- and shrieked.

“I swear to God asshole, if you scare me ONE MORE TIME!” He got up and stared with hatred right into those stupid violet-reddish eyes of his. That fucker, he's going to get a beating one day, Lovino will make sure of it.

They stared like that at eachother, frowning, waiting for the other one to snap and to say something, but then Francis put his hand on Gilbert's shoulder, shaking his head negatively, a sign that meant ' _ it’s not worth it _ ’ and Antonio took Lovino's hand in his, pulling him back down.

Lovino violently took his hand from Antonio's and sat down, still looking at Gilbert. He then smirked. “I see you're still alive.” He said.

Gilbert smirked as well. “I see you're still a little bitch.”

“Watch it, bastard!”

“Where's Eliza?” Antonio pushed down Lovino's shoulders, making him back down and cross his arms, pouting and looking away.

“She is at the beach. She said she wanted to be alone today. Kind of weird if you ask me.” Francis mused.

“We were supposed to work out today but she just took off like whoosh~” Gilbert made a swooping gesture with his hand. “That's so un-awesome.”

“Hmm…” Antonio pulled on his lip. “That’s weird, but we can't do anything about it, we should just let her be.”

Gilbert looked kind of weird and freaked out at Antonio’s comment but then Francis butted in.

“She also received a weird call from someone, that's probably the reason why she's acting so weird.” He pointed forward with his fork. “I love this paella, don't you guys love it too? The snails gives it such an exquisite taste.” He took another bite, oblivious of the intense look that Gilbert gave him.

Antonio, who was busy eating too, snorted in amusement and gave Lovino a look, but Lovino was too freaked out to smile at him or something. So he just took his cup of coffee and decided to drown in the bitter taste, ignoring the changed conversation that was around him.

So Eliza got a weird call today too, huh? That couldn't be good. He had a feeling that these two calls were connected somehow and that this wasn't the last time that guy's gonna call. He needed to talk to Eliza soon. He already felt the tiredness trying to consume him. He just hoped that he wouldn't get into one of his depressive moods. That would be terrifying.

“Hey, Lovino, my sweetheart, do you mind if I go with Franny and Gil to some bars around here?”

Lovino looked at him and frowned. “I'm not your mom, you can do whatever you want.” He looked away. “Just try to not get into trouble, dammit.”

“Aren't you mad?” Antonio looked kind of guilty. “I mean I could invite you too if you'd like to come.”

Lovino shook his head and his hand dismissively. “No, no, you can go, do whatever you want, I don't care. I was planing to take some photos of the city anyway before we leave.”

Antonio still looked concerned but then he gave Lovino a quick kiss on the lips and smiled kindly. “Take care sweetheart. It won't take long. I promise. I'll call you later, okay?”

“Okay.” Lovino crossed his arms and looked away, trying to ignore Francis’ and Gilbert's eyes on him. Those weirdos, always looking at him like he's going to kill Antonio or something. He hated them so much for this.

They paid and left Lovino alone in the small restaurant with his troubles and boredom. Well shit, what was he supposed to do now?

He got up and exited the restaurant too, wondering if he had the motivation to walk around the city and take pictures or if it would be better to just go to the motorhome and sleep his ass off. Or cook, cooking was a good idea too. He decided to just see where his feet took him. After all, he had a map so he won't get lost in this insanely huge city.

He only hope that loneliness won't win against his love for architecture.

**EH.**

People always look at you weird when you say that you are abused at home, like you told them that you killed your own family or something. Which is weird, since your family is slowly killing you, inside and outside, every day of the week. Of course, sometimes you escape more than a few days, but usually, the abuse is stronger after a few days of vacation.

That's why Eliza was feeling worse every day of her life. If she went on with the trip all around Europe, three months, she was a hundred percent sure that her father is going to kill her when she got back. On top of that, she was ignoring her father's calls so she was absolutely sure her death is going to be slow and painful.

She was reading a book on domestic abuse and she was ready to burn it and throw it in the sea, taking another book but this time with some more interesting plot, for example, a cute girl falling in love with a mysterious and buff guy, having rough and passionate sex all their life. Oh yes, that was a good book, really. Yes, yes.

Ahem…

This book was fucking shitty! It talked about abuse as if a person who has never been abused saw someone on the street getting punched and gasped with a new idea! 'It would be marvelous!’ they would say, 'I have to tell my friends what I saw! Oh, this is going to be great! Domestic abuse! I can already smell the success!’ And they they did a cartwheel across the world while writing this shitty book. What a loser.

Eliza rolled her eyes and put the book away, taking her sunglasses from her head and putting them on her nose. A tanned boy suddenly ran in front of her, laughing and kicking the sand while his father was breathlessly running after him with a tired, but blissful look on his face, trying to catch him. She smiled as she tried escaping the wave of the sand that was kicked on her legs and she nodded at his father’s apologetic look.

She wished she still had that.

All the books she has read talked about the lack of safety. The lack of freedom. The lack of love or the lack of hope or the lack of trust. They try to characterize the life of an abused kid or partener based on what's missing. They try to characterize recovery based on getting things back like getting your safety back, discovering freedom, trusting people again, all based on the new discovered hope that you'll be okay now as your abuser disappeared from your life.

But that's usually not how it works.

She closed her eyes and sighed, getting a strand of hair from her face and putting it behind her ear as the breeze caressed her like a warm motherly hand.

When you write about abuse you  _ need  _ to write about what is there, and not what is not there. They should not talk about the absence of safety, you are never entirely safe anyway, abused or not. You can always get hit by a car or choke on your own spit or even worse, getting murdered. This is not new.

'B-But!’ the shitty author from before made a nervous back flip, 'with your theory, I won't have money to get a pool with my favourite villa! I'm literally going to DIE!”

Well, learn to fucking write about abuse from the perspective of an abused person, you sick fuck!

She opened her eyes and looked around to see if people were looking weird at her, but they didn't. It seemed nobody could read minds around here. That was a bummer, after all, if that was possible, maybe these carefree tanned people learned a thing or two about abuse.

When safety and all of those other things is gone, something has to fill that void. If nothing fills the void then it's not realistic. It's just a strange, inverted, abstracted picture of life, a silhouette. A fake reality. Like yeah, the gaps are real but  _ that's not the point. _

The absence of safety is filled by  _ fear _ . The absence of freedom is the presence of  _ rules _ . The lack of love feels like self-loathing. The lack of trust translates as skepticism, as learning skills and strategies to get what you need because you can't be sure it'll be there if you don't get your chance now.

Abused people are not little lost children that don't know how life works or that are devoid of any feelings besides hatered, anxiety and rage. Sure, these feelings are there, these feelings are human, but they're not what defines the person.

Abused people are strong, independent people with a huge amount of trauma. They are only humans, trying to survive in a way that's as natural for them as life is for anybody, and if some pussy is going to write about abuse and recovery, they need to know that in their bones. They need to do the research properly and throughly. They need to feel these things, or they would never understand what a struggle is to keep being alive every day.

She took the book and got up, running to the sea and throwing it as far as she could, the book falling into the salty water as the words drowned. She took a relieved sigh, finally getting rid of it but even so, she knew that someone would find it anyway. Was it even legal to throw things into the sea? She usually did that with her ex-best friend, throwing things into the Black Sea, but that was in Romania so who cared if it was illegal or not?

She went back under her umbrella and took out another book from her backpack. Ah, finally. A romance book that was believable. The Victorian era was such a pretty time in history, she only wondered why was she born in this time and not in that time. Probably to read the books about that time, yeah, that was probably it. Damned be those pussies who invented mortality.

She got an idea!

“Hey. What are you doing here?” Someone sat down beside her and she looked from her book, taking her sunglasses off her nose. Lovi gave her book a weird look, probably because of the title ‘ _ Defying pack law _ ’ and because of the cover but she didn't care. She read what she wanted and that's that. He also had a confused look on his cute face as if he didn't know how he ended up at the beach but even so, his always present frown was lighter than usual.

“Hey,” She slapped her hands on her legs and leaned in. “Guess what! I decided to write a book!”

Lovino frowned, shifted his weight and winced, opening his mouth to respond but right then, Eliza's phone started ringing.

She fell on her back in fright and she reached for her backpack, sand almost entering in her face. She took a strand of hair from her mouth and looked at her phone with a weird feeling inside of her. Yeah,  _ he _ was calling him. That sick fuck.

“Aren't you going to fucking answer? Damn, it's pissing me off.” Lovino was looking at his phone and he bit his lip. He was right,  _ Szomorú Vasárnap _ wasn't really a song for a ringtone.

She looked at him and hit decline. “No, it's not important.”

Lovino's frown deepened and he looked at Erzsebét with an intense stare. “Look, I have to talk to you about something, but first, could you cover the fuck up? Your boobs creep me the fuck out, especially when they...bounce...like that. ” He looked troubled, more troubled than usual, but also kind of embarrassed.

Eliza took her boobs in her hands and jiggled them. “What, does it bother you?”

Lovino closed his eyes, crossed his arms and looked away. “Yes, now put on a fucking bra or something.”

She laughed and crawled to Lovino. “Does it really bother you? Or you're just jealous that you don't have killer ass tits like mine.”

Lovino blushed like mad and took her backpack, throwing it at her chest. “Goddammit woman, shut the fuck up!”

She was getting bored with him. “I'm not going to cover up since it's against my comfort. Also I never wear bra's so shut up.  _ Also _ , don't tell me what to do, you're a guy. You don't need to tell a girl what to do.” She put her backpack away. “Now, what do you want to talk to me about?” She crossed her arms, putting her boobs in evidence. Hah! That'll teach him to shut up.

As she thought, Lovino shut up, only giving her a look of pure hatered, but then he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Look, you've been recieving weird calls, just like this one, right? Right. I've been recieving weird calls too right? Absolutely fucking right. I think they are connected or something.” He opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow.

Eliza wanted to burst into laughter. She bit his lip trying not to lose it over the ridiculous information, like what the fuck was he even talking about, but as she saw his serious face that was looking kind of vulnerable, like a kicked puppy or something, she raised both of her eyebrows and blinked.

“What?” She asked him for a confirmation of his words, something that could make her understand his ridiculous statement.

He thightened his lips and looked sideways. “That French bastard said you've been recieving weird calls. I…” He winced, probably because he didn't even know where he was going with this, but Eliza thought he was adorable, using that kind of language for Francis.

“So…” Eliza ignored another call from her phone, “Francis said I had a weird call, huh? I don't understand.” She said, right as she understood what was he saying. Oohhh, he was talking about her father's calls! Those weren't weird, but whatever. He decided to play with him a bit more.

“The fucking calls woman! That haunting song is playing right now and you're ignoring it!” Lovino took her phone from her backpack, shoving it in her face until she could only see the 'Boy with basket of fruit’. She took Lovino's hand away from her face, noticing how he tensed up at the contact and she let his hand go. After all, she knew how it was when someone touched you without consent.

“Alright, alright. They're not weird calls.”

“What?”

She tapped on her phone and showed Lovino her father's number. “They're from my dad, my dad doesn't leave me alone. They're not weird, they're pretty common.”

Lovino’s shoulders raised and he frowned confusedly. “Then why…”

“Lovi, are you recieving weird calls?”

“Don't call me that.” He only said and he got up, wiping the sand from his shirt and pants, avoiding the question.

“Tell me! Last night I said that you could tell me anything! Talk to me!” She searched for her book and got up.

He only looked at her, opening his mouth to respond but closing it again. “No, nevermind. I'm going back to the damn motorhome to cook something. I don't have the energy to visit this place, anyway?”

“Why?” Eliza frowned. He sounded really bad, as if he's going to fall into sobs right at this moment, his voice kind of cracked at the end and he looked confused, his eyes searching for something. This could not be good. Better make him talk.

“You ask too many questions.” He took his messaged bag from the sand and turned around, ready to leave but Eliza caught his hand.

“Wait, I'm coming too!” She hurriedly got up and put on a large t-shirt, put her stuff in her backpack and put on her sunglasses. After all, she needed to keep an eye on him. He was getting suspiciously nice. She made a promise to Feliciano and she's going to keep it, no matter what.

Lovino only looked at her. “Right. Pants?” He asked her, checking her from head to toe.

“Nope! Only these babies!” She slapped herself on the belly, pointing at her highwaist, black bikini bottoms.

Lovino only sighed, letting a small and uncomfortable smile on his face and Eliza thought he was so adorably cute. He should smile more, it looked so beautiful on his handsome face!

“You're so goddamn weird.”

Eliza only laughed, ignoring another call. Lovino's phone started ringing too but after a few moments of staring at the name, he hit decline and let out a shaky breath. She wanted to ask him what's wrong now but she knew it was too soon. After all, she knew very well the signs of depression. And judging by Lovino's action, not responding to Antonio, his lover, he was getting bad.  _ Really _ bad. Slowly but surely.

**AFC**

The  _ Llotja de la Seda  _ was absolutely beautiful, Lovino would’ve loved this if he was here! Its a weird building, kind of gloomy, but he knew he has no say in it since he didn't really like this kind of stuff. All those colours and shapes and  _ details _ always gave him a headache if he thought about them too much. But by what he learned from Lovino's ramblings about different styles of architecture, he was fifty percent sure that this was in that Gothic style. Wait, was it Baroque?  _ Ay,  _ he wished Lovino was here to tell him.

The streets of Valencia were pretty and old looking wherever he went, except of that  _ Ciutat de les Arts i les Ciències _ , City of Arts and Science, which was as modern as it could be. It was kind of weird, walking through these old fashioned streets with my best friends, having discussions about anything and everything, at the same time trying to reach Lovino on his phone and then you get hit in the face with that huge modern building in the middle of this gothic -he was pretty sure it was gothic- city.

The Cathedral of Valencia, the central market, the main railway station,  _ Estació Del Nord,  _ that bridge from the middle of the city named after Calatrava, the market of Colón, the Torres de Serrans and the Torres de Quart, the Basilica of the Virgin, the palace of the  _ Marqués de Dos Aguas _ , he saw them all already, but he wasn't so interested in them as Franny was -or Lovi, of course. He only wanted to have fun and to enjoy himself. He didn't really see the differences and the beauty in them. They were just old buildings.

They already hit some bars, but after awhile, Francis grew bored of drinking wine and wanted to explore the city, maybe hitting off with a girl while doing so. Antonio though he was funny and he decided he would come with him and Gil didn't want to be left alone with all these Spanish people, so he tagged along. The truth was that he only went along with Franny because he hoped he'd run into Lovino and they'll have a happy and relaxed day together.

No such luck though.

_ Ay _ , Lovino. Lovely, loudmouthed, awkward, sweet Lovino. He was so lucky, so very lucky to have him as his boyfriend, to have him by his side.

He loved absolutely everything about him. Just seeing his face could make his heart beat a bit faster and make him feel light with wonder.

He loved how gorgeously angular it was, but also rather feminine, his jaw pronounced and his cheeks softer than a person would think at the first glance. He loved how his tanned skin flushed bright red when he was embarrassed or angry.

He loved how Lovino's eyes always swept around the room, observing every detail around him, always with a kind of passionate fire that burned in them. He loved the colour of his eyes, a mix between green and hazel, with just a bit of gold into them. Antonio could never deschiper what shade they actually were. He loved his beauty marks, exactly two under his left eye and another two on his right side of his neck.

He loved his curly hair, almost auburn in the light of the sun. He loved his fingers that no matter how hard he washed them, the edges of his fingers were always stained with shades of green or violet or whatever colour he'd use that day. Even so, his clothes were always spotless with no stain of paint on them.

Nobody could mistake him for anybody else, really. He was so...definitive. Like he'd just walk into a room and everybody would know -here was Lovino Vargas. Here he was.

He had an proud air around him, kind of like Gilbert's, but different, more gentle, more afraid.

Of course, he also had a lot of imperfections, but who didn't? Francis had burnt marks, just like Antonio and he was an arrogant, snobbish man. Gilbert was an albino, probably had a few illnesses and he was an asshole, like Lovino would call him. Eliza was always flinching and she always had some kind of mark on her, as if someone was hitting her every other week. Even he wasn't perfect, letting sweet ladies pregnant in the past and now being haunted by his mistakes.

Lovino had imperfections, but in Antonio's eyes he was perfect.

For him, at least.

He was harsh and rude, but never with ladies. He had a sharp tongue and he always had an opinion about everything, but he was also shy and secretive. And those marks on his hands,  _ Oh Dios _ , they look like Lovino scratched his skin off over and over again. They weren't even red, they were a maroon shade and Antonio could say that he never saw that kind of thing in his own life. He didn't even know it was possible to have that kind of marks, but Lovino had them and Antonio hated that he had to learn about scratch marks as a form of self harm from his lover.

Thankfully they were looking kind of old. He didn't know how he would react if he saw blotches of red on his arms now. He couldn't even imagine his reaction if he saw Lovino like a mess, he was always so sure of himself and he always looked so confident, so organized. He couldn't accept the thought of letting Lovino down, letting him hurt himself again. He probably wasn't even in his life when he created those scars on his hands, but he was so scared that it's going to happen again, it was driving him crazy.

He saw how Lovino was acting so panickly this morning and in an instant, his fear grew and he realized that he had to do something. So of course, feeling dazed and groggy he could only think about lovemaking. So that's what he did, he gave Lovino a wonderful morning. But...it wasn't enough. He...

He had to keep an eye on him, no matter what. He had to make sure he was alright. If he didn't, he could never forgive himself. So that's why he threw his phone in some fountain around here when Lovino didn't pick up for the 47th time.

“What the fuck, dude?” Gilbert shouted as he dropped all the coins back into the water, splashing himself and almost falling into the fountain. The phone almost hit his face.

“That's it for trying to steal money.” Francis only laughed, hitting Gilbert's shoulder playfully and then he smirked at Antonio. “What happened,  _ mon ami _ ? You were perfectly fine this morning.” He winked.

Antonio ran his fingers through his hair and picked up his phone from the water, laughing nervously. “Sorry, Gil. I'm just worried. He hasn't answered and it's been 7 hours already!”

Gilbert smirked and rolled his eyes. “Well next time you might as well hit me. I wouldn't need to hear all of your bitching.”

Francis hit him again and snorted. “That's not nice at all, shut up. Antonio would probably manifest himself in your dreams and talk about  _ Lovi _ anyway.”

Gilbert bursted into laughter and nodded enthusiastically. “Right, right!”

Antonio was ignoring them, trying to switch on his phone but to no avail. It was completely ruined.  _ Ay,  _ what he was going to do? His mother would surely panic if he didn't respond to her calls. And Lucía,  _ Dios mío!  _ She would probably cry her eyes out.

“No, but honestly, Toni, Gil can call Eliza to see if she knows anything. Is that alright?” Francis looked serious now, without a trace of mockery and Antonio smiled at him.

“Yeah, that would be great!”

“I'm not going to call that bitch! If she wanted to stay at the beach then she should stay at the beach.” Gilbert almost shouted as he made a photo of the coins in the water with his phone. He muttered, “I hope the sun fucking burns her alive.”

“Oh, come on! He's doing it for love!” Francis pressed on.

“Love, my ass!”

Francis pushed Gil forward, making him almost fall into the fountain and as he accidentally threw his phone into the air, Antonio caught it and snorted.

“That's not fair guys!” Gilbert shouted but Francis and Antonio were already calling up Eliza. He muttered something under his breath and flipped them off, resuming in his act of stealing the coins.

Eliza didn't picked up until their third try.

_ “Ah, haha, sorry Gil, I thought somebody else was calling me. You dickhead better have a good reason to call me at this time.” _

“Is Lovino with you?” Antonio asked her desperately.

_ “Oh! Antonio? What? You can't find him or what?” _

“No, it's like he just entered in the earth! He completely disappeared on us.” Francis added.

_ “Oh, Francis too! Hmm… No, I haven't seen him.”  _ She said but even so, her snicker could be heard.

“Stop playing with them you witch!” Gilbert shouted.

“ _ Alright, alright, no need to get hostile, dear. He's with me so don't worry. We're at the motorhome.” _

“Why isn't he responding to my calls?” Antonio worriedly asked.

_ “Err… _ ” Eliza hesitated. Oh, this couldn't be good. “ _ He smashed his phone on the wall after your 10th call, I think.”  _ Some movement sounds were heard and then a door opening and closing. Eliza didn't spoke up for a long time.

“ _ Alright, I'm outside now far from the motorhome, and I need to tell Antonio something. Personally.” _

Francis sighed and put her off the speaker, handing the phone to Antonio. He gave him a reassuring smile and went to make sure that Gil doesn't accidentally kill himself. Or get arrested. That would be a nightmare!

“ _ So um, alright.”  _ Eliza started talking. “ _ You have to come in here Toni, he freaks me out.” _

“What did he do? Tell me what happened exactly.” He interrupted her. God, of God, please tell him that he didn't harm himself in any way.

He was noticing a pattern in here. Every time Antonio got comfortable with Lovino or every time Lovino showed him affection more than usual he was getting kind of distant, as if he was ashamed of his actions. Oh! Why did he only got this now? He should've realized this months ago! Stupid Toño! Damn!

“ _ Umm… he found me at the beach and told me something about a shady phonecall or something. We then-” _

“A shady phonecall? What do you mean?” Antonio asked, clutching the phone strongly.

_ “For fuck’s sake, I don't know! Stop interrupting me!”   _ Eliza shouted and when Antonio didn't made a sound anymore, she sighed and continued.

“ _ Right. We decided to go to the motorhome and you wouldn't stop calling so he smashed his phone into the wall. I asked him what was wrong but he just closed in himself. I thought he's going to sleep then but no, he actually cooked something. And I swear to god Antonio, he freaked me out so much, you wouldn't believe.” _

Antonio clutched the phone tighter and took a deep breath.

_ “He… he didn't do anything bad, he just… stared at the tomatoes with a blank face for like a whole minute but, after a while I realized that he's been staring at the knife instead so I panicked and made him snap out of it. He just continued his cooking and I swear to god Antonio, he cooks like heaven, it's delicious!” _

“Yeah, I know.” Antonio said letting out a small sigh. “What is he doing now?”

_ “He's just sleeping, he wanted to lock himself in the room but I made him sleep in the hammock instead. He didn't even protest, he looked so tired Antonio, I felt so sorry for him. He didn't even eat. But don't  worry, I'll make him eat something after he wakes up.” _

“That's good, okay, thanks Eliza, I own you one.”

“ _ Haha, next time you do the sexy feely touchy thing, film it and mail it to me. Then we'll be even.” _

_ “ _ Haha~ no way.” Antonio laughed coldly.

“ _ Dang. It was worth the try thought.” _

“Do you mind if I asked you to watch after him a bit more? I have to make sure Gil doesn't get arrested.”

“ _ Sure thing! Take your time. Tell that idiot that I hate him for separating you from your dear Lovi.” _

“Haha, okay, thanks, see you at the motorhome. Bye.”

_ “Bye bye, dear.~” _

He closed his eyes and let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. It was fine,Lovino was fine, he was sleeping and Eliza was looking after him. It was fine. He opened his eyes and smiled at Gilbert. He was holding himself on Francis’ back like a frog would hold a blueberry, laughing at the exasperated sounds Franny was making.

“Get off! You're ruining my back!” Franny held Gil's arm and pulled on it so that he won't strangle him.

“Never!” Gilbert hollered and Franny spinned around, trying to make him fall down. Antonio laughed.

“I'm coming in!” Antonio ran in their direction and Francis couldn't react fast enough, only making a strangled noise. Antonio jumped on their backs and they all crumbled down on the road, laughing at Francis’ agony.

“You, my friends, are the worst.” Francis was massaging his lower back and he winced.

Gilbert and Antonio laughed at him and helped him get up from the pavement. They took the coins that Gilbert fished out of the water and left the place to create some kind of fuss in other places too, but even so, Antonio's mind was still set on Lovino.

He had to keep an eye on him. If Lovino self harmed again, he could never forgive himself for allowing that.

“Hey, mind if I go to the motorhome? Lovi caught the flu.” Antonio lied and smiled like usual at his friends.

“Alright, we'll be there in 6 hours too.” Francis winked. “I'll try taking care of this abnormally.”

**AFC**

When he entered the motorhome, one hour later, he instantly saw Lovino, curled up in the hammock. He didn't even notice Erzsebét, who was sitting on the floor slurping from a bowl of tomato soup, and he almost tripped on her legs.

“Hey, where are the others?” Eliza whispered.

Antonio looked at her and then closed the distance between him and Lovino. “Around here, somewhere. At some bar, I think.” He muttered. He knew he lied to her, Gil and Franny still being in the city, but he didn't care right now.

He took a chair and put it in front of Lovino, sitting down and taking his hand in his.

Lovino cracked one eye open at the contact and Antonio saw the tiredness in them, the fatigue that consumed Lovino even still. He sighed and closed his eye again.

Antonio ran his fingers gently on Lovino's face, trying to think of what would be best to say in this situation. He finally spoke in barely a whisper. “Are you alright?” What a dumb question to ask. Of course he wasn't.

Lovino only gave a short, groggy response. “Fine.”

Antonio saw from the corner of his eye how Eliza made the peace sign as she exited the motorhome, giving them privacy. Antonio was thankful for that.

And then he sprouted.

“Valencia is such a pretty place Lovi, You wouldn't believe it!” He clasped his hands together. “When I was fooling around the city with Gil and Franny, I actually felt like I was in a different world, that's how colorful it was! And Gil almost got arested because he stole some coins, do you believe that? He also got into a fight again but this one wasn't so rough. I think the beautifulness of this place made him calm down somehow, haha.~ He still cursed like you wouldn't believe, thought.”

When his words were met with silence, he gave an awkward laugh and looked at the ceiling.

“It was lonely without you, you should've come. I thought I was going to die, honestly. But I'm here now and I'm so grateful for being alongside you.” Antonio made a pause and looked at the growing frown on Lovino's face. “I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I'll stay by your side, Lovino. No matter what. Don't ever forget that.”

“Why?” Barely a whisper from the sheets was heard and Antonio had to lean in to hear it.

“What?” Antonio smiled awkwardly.

Lovino opened his eye. “Why are you here?” He whispered louder, his voice sounding like he could burst into crying any minute now.

Antonio had to be careful now. If he said anything wrong, anything that might upset Lovino, he will most certainly panic. He looked a few seconds at Lovino and then he decided to tell the truth. Even though he might not believe him.

“Because I love you. Not the concept of you and certainly not the perception of you. Not even who you will become eventually. Not your need to be loved, not your prospects and not your opinions. I love you, today. Right now. Exactly as you are.” Lovino made a choked sound and Antonio looked away. “I know we will change in time. We will evolve and I hope we will do it together. But right now, I don't ask anything from you other than what we already have. I love you for you and I don't expect you to tell me you love me in return.”

Antonio looked at him again and winced at the crushing sobbing sounds that Lovino was making. He carefully extended his hand and put it on Lovino's shoulder, trying not to scare Lovino off but when he got up and embraced Antonio, clinging to his shirt and crying into his shoulder, he let out a breath and pet Lovino's head, trying not to cry as well. After all, someone has to be strong in this situation.

What would happen if he broke down as well?

“I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I'm such a mess, such a failure. I'm… I'm,” Lovino's voice broke, “I'm so fucking sorry that I can't even say how much I lo.. how much I… I,” Lovino was now taking rugged and quick breaths, struggling to keep going.

“Calm down, sweetie, I'm here for you. Just breathe.” Antonio took Lovino's face in his and looked into his eyes, his heart breaking at the despair and hysteria that was inside of them.

Lovino kicked his hands away and pulled at his hair. “Calm down? Shit, I'm… I…. I can't….”

“Hey, focus on me.” Antonio began shaking with fear. He was so afraid of seeing Lovino in this state of mind that and if this trick wouldn't calm him down, he won't know what to do anymore.

He was acting just like his dad. And this was a trick he learned from him. He wasn't going to give up so easily. After all, it would be horrible if he left Lovino in this state of mind. Such a selfish person, thinking about leaving his lover like this when he knew he won't ever do that. But he was so afraid.

Lovino was running his hands through his hair when he looked at Antonio, his breath shaking and his eyes leaking. “Wh- Wha-?”

“Focus on me sweetie, look into my eyes.” Antonio wanted to touch Lovino again but he knew it wouldn't help the situation. “Are you focusing? Try talking to me sweetheart. I'm here. Breathe.”

Lovino was looking at Antonio, taking long breaths and trying to calm himself down and Antonio only wondered what went through his brain in moments like this. Was he scared of him? Was he planning to run for some blade to hurt himself? Was he planning to move to some far away city to never face him again? Either one, it was terrifying.

“Can I hold you?” Antonio slowly approached Lovino. “Breathe.”

At Lovino's shaky and tense and downright sad 'yes’ he took him into a gentle hug, running his fingers through his hair and humming a stupid song that just came into his mind.

“I'm sorry.” Lovino whispered in the crook of Antonio's neck, his body almost going limp into his arms. It seemed like it was over, the tiredness consumed him again. It was over.

Antonio took a relieved breath and softly caressed Lovino's head. “It's okay, it's okay sweetie. You did nothing wrong, it's okay. I hope your pain eases soon.”

Lovino's breath hitched and they sat like that for a few minutes, the only thing that was heard being Antonio's humming and their own heartbeat. Lovino suddenly jerked away and lowered his head, not looking into Antonio's eyes. He sighed and wiped a tear from his cheek.

“I'm so tired.”

Antonio didn't know what took over him but he smiled at Lovino and started talking nonesense to him. He slowly helped Lovino into the hammock again and at Lovino's confused face he just laughed.

“Can I do anything for you? Anything at all? Water? Food?” Antonio smiled as he shook like a leaf.

“I haven't seen Valencia.” Lovino stared at him with empty eyes.

“Water then? Okay.” He ran over to the sink, noticing Eliza's phone on the counter as a glass of water was getting filled up. He looked at Lovino’s empty posture and then he took the phone, sighing and putting it in his pocket.

He made his way to Lovino and he had to help him up to drink the water because of his exhaustion. He kept muttering rubbish, like 'i don't like to be coddled’ and 'i’m such a failure’ but Antonio knew that was the panic and fear talking. He put down the glass and then started to talk, talk about unimportant things, talk about the weather, talk about his day, talk about anything to distract Lovino even just a bit from his demons and emptiness.

He talked him to sleep.

And when Lovino finally fell asleep, when Antonio finally exited the motorhome and stared into the sky, he finally let out the breath he was holding and composed himself. After all, if he would cry, then he would be weak and powerless in front of Lovino.

After a few minutes of staring at a cloud that passed, he sighed, coming back to reality and to the summer that kissed his face. And all was well. He dialed his mother's number and put on the bravest voice and smile he could muster.

“ _ Hello? Eliza dear, what's wrong?” _

“It’s not Eliza, mom, it's me.”

_ “Toño? Is that you? Hi, how are you? Do you want to talk to Lucía? She's right in the room, should I call her over?” _

“No, mom, I want to talk to you.” Antonio answered in English. He hated leaving Lovino in that state alone, but he needed to talk to someone. So he was sitting right outside the motorhome with his legs spread out into the grass, banging his head on the cold surface of the metal. “It's about dad, kinda.”

A pause was heard and then,  _ “Antonio what's wrong? You never want to talk about him.”  _ Carmen responded in English as well.

“It must've been hard loving him. And staying by his side all those years.”

“ _ Antonio, you're scaring me, what's going on?” _

“It must've been tiring and draining _.  _ What if he killed himself that night? When he took those pills? Would it have been more awful than dying in the fire?”

A pause and then muttering.  _ “You were supposed to be to young to remember that.”  _ A sigh. “ _ What happened?” _

“It's Lovino…he  _ Dios,  _ he… I don't know.”

_ “Oh honey, it happened again?” _

Antonio was taken aback. “Again, what do you mean again? I never witnessed that kind of thing before! Mom!”

_ “I might've went once at therapy with him, but that's not the point. Is he alright now? What is he doing?” _

Antonio stared at the sky, trying to understand what she said,  _ 'Therapy? Lovino and my mom went to therapy together? What?’  _ but after a while, he decided to let it go and to answer her question instead.

“He's sleeping, he had some kind of panic attack, I don't know. I talked him to sleep.”

_ “Did he hurt himself?” _

Antonio’s breath hitched. “No.”

She took a relieved sigh. “ _ Good, that's good.” _

Then silence. “I miss him. Dad. I really miss him.”

_ “Me too.”  _ Her voice cracked. “ _ It gets scary at times, and frustrating. Doesn't it?” _

“It's terrifying.”

_ “Yeah…”  _ She paused. “ _ But it gets better. Sure, there are bad days, and sometimes the bad days come fast and drown you. But Toño, the good ones! Remember how we used to dance in the kitchen, all four of us with lame old Spanish music, laughing at Joãozinho tripping because he couldn't see anything with that wild hair of his?” _

“Yeah, I remember.”

_ “Or how he used to make those elaborated and complicated lunches for you boys to eat at school, remember? Or how he always laughed or smiled with so much love in his eyes wherever you hugged him silly? My best memories with him.” _

“Mine too.” He closed his eyes and asked the question that haunted him for years. “Why did he want to kill himself?”

“ _ He got sad and thought nobody cared.” _

“But we cared, we cared so much about him.” 

“ _ Yeah, but his mind wouldn't let him believe it. So that's why, you need to make them talk, to be there for them all the time, and if you love them, if you really love them, you have to make them open up. It's the only way.” _

_ “ _ Lovino's an artist, he'll never open up.”

_ “You artists, all dramatic and poetic and stuff.”  _

And they they both said, “Francis.” at the same time and laughed.

Antonio sighed _.  _ “So, Lovino…”

_ “Never let him alone with his thoughts. Talk to him, distract him, make him talk, do anything you can to show him you are there for him. Because depression or self harm or RAD don't kill a person. What kills a person it's the belief that they have nobody. And loneliness. That's what drives them to take a bottle of pills. Don't ever let that happen to him.” _

“Yeah.”

_ “You are a kind person Toño, with a golden smile. A brave kid. You can do it.” _

Antonio smiled. “Thanks.”

Carmen softly laughed.

They sat there and talked some more about stuff, safe topics. João, Lucía, bullfighting. But when Carmen told Antonio about how a tomato plant just died he bursted into tears from the stress. He blamed his reaction on the plant because, come on, it was his favourite kind of plant, tomatoes, but Carmen knew better and let him cry in peace. And he cried, he cried, he cried for Lovino, for his father, for him, for all the people that have to put up with this wrecking feelings of utter anguish, he cried.

He was so grateful to have his mother at his side when he needed her.

When he finally ended his call with her, he went back into the motorhome and moved Lovino in 'their’ bedroom, cuddled next to him and watched him sleep. In the meantime Eliza came back and demanded her phone back, Gil and Franny came but they were shushed down by Erzsebét with the pretext that they're sleeping and nighttime came in full force, making them all go take some 7 hours shut-eye to be revigorated for the next day. Lovino didn't move all night, only muttering in his sleep how much he regretted not seeing Valencia and Antonio only thought:

How could such a great morning transform itself into such a horrible and ugly day and end in such a depressing night? 


	4. No touchy, please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note 1: Song featured in this chapter is Norwegian Wood by The Beatles. I also really enjoyed the novel with the same title, by Haruki Murakami so if you're interested in a nostalgic story of loss that features an open ending, Japanese people in the late 1960's and burgeoning sexuality, then this is the book for you.
> 
> Note 2: Femke is Belgium and João is Portugal, just in case.
> 
> Note 3: I read somewhere that your libido can increase or decrease when you smoke marijuana so I thought, 'what if Antonio's increased and Lovino's decreased?' and thus, I applied it on them. Oh yeah, if you're uncomfortable with weed then don't read this, idk.
> 
> Note 4: Big things are going to happen next chapter! I'm not going to focus so much on the city since there is a lot of things that I have to say about Antonio's past and all that! So stay tuned!
> 
> Ciao!~

" _ **We rise and fall and light from dying embers.**_

_**Remembrances that hope and love lasts longer.** _

_**And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love, cannot be killed or swept aside."** _

_-Lin Manuel Miranda_

_(American composer)_

**XxX**

"Umm… Pablo Picasso?"

Lovino looked at Antonio from his leg and smiled. "Yeah."

Antonio looked at the ceiling and smirked as Lovino continued painting flowers on his leg. "That's an interesting one." He said. "Hmmm...Ceci n'est pas une pipe."

Lovino snorted. "Who wouldn't know that? It's fucking René Magritte. I can't believe you made me say a French name, dammit." He muttered as he concentrated on the shade of a carnation.

"You're right, haha.~" Antonio laughed. "Your turn!"

"Let me fucking think." Lovino scratched his head. "Umm, okay. Cancer or tsunami, it all ends the same, a friend or a lover, a loss is a loss is a loss."

Antonio looked at him and raised his eyebrows. "That's kind of depressing."

Lovino only shrugged while continuing to paint. "Rupi Kaur is depressing." And then he facepalmed himself. He didn't even think and whoosh, he just told Antonio the author. Fucking great.

"Ooh, Rupi Kaur is a goddess." Antonio clapped his hands together and nodded enthusiastically. "Also don't hit yourself like that, sweetie. You're gonna get a concussion one of these days, I swear."

Lovino stoped and frowned at him. "You're not my mothe- you know what? Whatever you say. Your turn." He took the glass of water from beside him and drank.

"Oh, um…. I dream my paintings and I paint my dream."

"You only know these lame-ass quotes, dammit, it's Van Gogh."

"Well, I only know a few quotes and I learned most of them from you, sweetie." Antonio laughed. "Okay, your turn."

"Obviously." Lovino tapped his chin with his paintbrush, accidentally smearing yellow paint on himself. He cursed and wiped his face, knowing that he has to get up and wash himself eventually. At least he wasn't wearing his clothes anymore so he couldn't stain them. He continued to paint Antonio's leg. "In times of war, the law falls silent."

Antonio only looked at him for a long time before sighing in defeat. "I don't know, who said it?"

Lovino snorted. "I have absolutely no fucking clue. Cicero, maybe."

Antonio laughed and then looked into Lovino's eyes. "We love the things we love for what they are."

Lovino only looked at him for a moment and then shrugged, putting his paintbrush in the wrong water. He cursed. "Dammit, now I won't have water to drink. This always fucking happens to me, hell!" He sighed and took the blue paint, softly touching Antonio's leg with the paintbrush. "Well, I don't know who said it, but it sounds good."

"Think." Antonio only smiled.

"We love the things we love…" Lovino muttered.

"For what they are." Antonio continued and took Lovino's chin in his hand, making him look into his eyes. Their noses were barely touching and then he kissed him, and the world seemed to disappear. It was slow and soft, comforting like words would never be, a way of saying 'it's okay, I love you no matter what'. When they broke the kiss, they only stared at eachother, Antonio's eyes full of understanding and love.

Lovino got the urge to apologise again, his jaw clenching painfully but he remembered how he said sorry over and over again yesterday, so he just smirked. "Frost." He felt so relieved that Antonio undoubtedly won't leave him for his breakdown, that stupid moron. That fool.

Antonio pulled a confused face. "Huh?"

Unbelievable. "Robert Frost. The quote is by Robert Frost." Lovino rolled his eyes and picked up his paintbrush again.

"Oooh, haha.~ The quote."

"HALF AN HOUR!" Eliza shouted from where she was driving. Two groans were heard from above them, clearly that white moron and that French bastard having a huge hangover from yesterday. Serves them right.

"Well, shit, I won't be able to finish this." Lovino put the paintbrush in his water and stretched himself. He took the camera from beside him and made a photo of Antonio's flowery leg. "Don't fucking move, you'll destroy it, dammit."

He looked at the photo for awhile and then put the camera beside him. "You can wash it off now." He got up from the bed and put the paints and pencils in their place.

"But I like it! I don't wanna wash it off!"

Lovino looked at him from a drawer from where he pulled a clean, green shirt. "Are you fucking kidding me? Are you going to Seville like that?"

Antonio got up from the bed as well and put his hands on his hips, smiling brightly at Lovino. "Yeah! It'll look great!"

"That's so gay." Lovino smirked and shook his head, exiting the room.

Antonio only followed him and stoped when Lovino was about to enter the bathroom. "But Lovino, I am kinda gay."

"Just shut up you fucking moron, God." Lovino slammed the door.

It's gonna be better. This day is going to be better than the other one. They were nearing Seville,  _Seville,_ and nothing would stop him from having the best day of his life. He slept almost 12 hours, he had Antonio by his side, he didn't have to put up with the other three idiots necessarily, his hair looked great, his clothes weren't wrinkled, he felt no pain, only a small guilt because of yesterday but no actual pain and he already smiled six times this morning.

It's gonna be great!

**XxX**

Seville.

Where to fucking begin?

Call him a color-loving art hoe, a cliché or just a very stubborn, crabby, yet smoking hot Italian but he thought that Seville was a city that swept you off your feet the moment you take a step onto the Andalusian soil.

From the arches of the Alcazar Palace to the million of random little side streets and everything in between, churches, markets, homes, parks, every time he turned a corner of this city, it took Lovino's breath away again and again and again, welcoming him with open arms.

The city was so colorful, so full of life that even if you had the worst of days, it could cheer you up by just looking at it and maybe even eating some delicious dish in the process. The views were worth millions of dollars and the rarest gems on earth, but you could see them for free or for a cheap price. Fortunately, Lovino didn't have to battle with the stairs, climbing them and struggling for oxygen since they were broke-ass students who only had a limited amount of money.

And the oranges! Oh God, the orange trees! They were scattered all over Seville, giving a fresh air to the city, oh so different from Barcelona and Valencia.

He was completely in love with the old, Mudéjar style city that made him long for something he didn't even know. All that he knew was that he couldn't leave this place without seeing every little piece of it.

"Lovi, are you crying?"

They were standing in front of the Ildefonso church, that motherfucking beautiful piece of Neo-Classical art in colours of red and gold and Lovino felt like the world stoped still to allow him to stare at it. He wiped the tear that threatened to escape his eyes and looked at Antonio, judging him hard.

"It's so fucking beautiful, dammit, can't you see?" He pointed at the towers. "Look at it bastard and tell me it isn't the best building you've ever seen in your whole pitiful life."

Antonio looked at the building and shrugged. "Well, it's like any other one. Full of colour. Nothing really special to it."

Lovino made a frustrated noise and held his head in his hands. "How dare you, you fucker? You better take that back."

"Although the church is a exquisite one with beautiful and striking details," Francis put his hand on Antonio's shoulder, interrupting them with his annoying french voice and accent, "I have to agree with Toni here. The city is filled with more interesting buildings than this one and even thought it is very mesmerising, indeed, it's just not worth out time."

Lovino crossed his arms and ignored Antonio's 'I didn't say that!' comment. "No one fucking asked you, you hairy kiwi, you're a damn design student, what do you know about true art?"

He just raised an eyebrow. "More than you, you photography boy. Is that even real art? Making photos all day long?"

Lovino balled his hands into fists and grittered his teeth. "Yes, it is! It fucking is! At least I can appreciate real life instead of just sitting at a computer all day, staring at squares and shit."

Francis gasped rather dramatically and put his hands on his chest. "We don't just do that! I'll have you know, architectural design is one of the fields in design. Of course I know about architecture! We study it!"

"You're not in that fucking field, you moron! You're a fashion designer!"

"Doesn't matter!"

"Guys, I'm hungry. Let's just go." Antonio took Lovino's hand and gave him a pleading look.

Lovino only blinked, staring at Antonio like he's just gone mad. "What the fuck is wrong with  _you_?" He asked.

His face softened. "Nothing, I just don't like you to fight." He looked at Francis, who was just looking at the church with a almost disgusted face. "Let's not fight anymore, you're giving me a headache from all those art terms. Please? Francis?"

"Alright then,  _mon ami_ , we'll leave." Francis looked at him and smiled, ruffling his hair.

Lovino only grittered his teeth and muttered under his breath. "Why the fuck are we stuck with the  _pomme de terre_  anyway?"

Fortunately, nobody heard him, the buzzing sound of people talking from around them drowning his words.

**XxX**

" _And o thought 'while Lovi is away, why shouldn't I clean his room? After all, he has way too many things in there that he doesn't even need!' and then I tried to reach you to see what should I throw out but you didn't respond! And I panicked and went over to Luddy to give me advice! And he said that I should probably call Antonio since he was your boyfriend and I called him and he didn't respond!"_  Veneziano got teary-eyed from Francis' phone screen. " _And then we called mom Carmen and she said something about broken phones and that we should call Eliza and so we did, but she said you weren't with them and that I should call Francis and now here we are! You worry me so much sometimes, Lovi."_

Lovino only stared at the phone with a blank expression, trying to understand the stupidity of those sentences. He hooked his fingers in Antonio's belt loops since there were a lot of people in here and he might get lost, and he gave Veneziano an emotionless frown. If that was possible.

"Are you wearing a fucking dress?"

" _Huh?"_  Veneziano looked down at himself and smiled, his eyes almost closing. " _Yeah! Do you like it?"_

"A dress, Veneziano? A purple, pastel dress? With gay flowers?"

" _Is something wrong with that? Does it bother you, brother?"_ Veneziano pouted.

Lovino only rubbed his eyes with one hand and looked at the nearing the Royal Tobacco Factory. "No, it's just… you and my dumbass are so much alike, I swear to God. It's as if you were soulmates, perfect for eachother." He didn't want the jealousy he was feeling show but unfortunately it kinda did.

"Lovi!" Both Antonio and Veneziano shouted at the same time and Lovino winced, wanting for the ground to swallow him whole.

He clenched his jaw and ended the call, wanting to smash that motherfucker to the ground but before he could do that, Francis grabbed him by the wrist and took his phone back, giving him a nasty look.

"Lovino, you're still thinking about that?" Antonio put his hands on Lovino's shoulders and got uncomfortably close to his face.

Lovino pulled himself from their grasps, slapping Francis in the process and fisted his hands, making a frustrated noise. "Fuck you! Don't fucking touch me anymore, why do you keep touching me all the fucking time, dammit!?" He shouted.

"Lovi…" Antonio said but Lovino interrupted him.

"No, fuck, leave me the fuck alone! So what if I let that slip up? Who the fuck cares?! Let's just go, dammit!" Lovino went forward, not seeing where he's going but Antonio grabbed his arm right as a car honked and drove in front of him.

The shock from the loud sound of the car made him gasp, his vision becoming a blurry mess and it put off any flame of rage that he previously had. He blinked, looking at a worried Antonio who was clearly saying something.

"What the fuck just happened?" He interrupted him and Antonio sighed in relief. Even Francis smiled and looked at him like he was silently asking for forgiveness. For what, Lovino barely understood.

Antonio smiled at him and took a lock of hair from Lovino's confused face, tucking it behind his ear. "Its alright, I'm sorry sweetie, I'm so sorry. Let's just go."

They started to move and Francis' phone rang, but instead of giving it to Lovino, he answered it himself.

Lovino sighed and took his hand from Antonio's, but at his worried look, he held on his belt loops and looked at Antonio with an apologetic frown. He was finally coming back to himself again.

"I'm sor… you bastard, you shouldn't worry so fucking much." He licked his lips and looked away. "I'm over that phase of being jealous all the time, I swear. It's just… this happens sometimes." He looked at him again. "You really are alike in a lot of things. You with your stupid flowery leg and Veneziano with his dumb flower dress."

Antonio only laughed a bit. " I guess, but," He kissed the top of his head, "You have to remember I don't like wearing dresses, sweetie. And I love you, not him."

Lovino blushed and held his cheeks in his hands, trying to cool them off. "I know, dammit. I know."

Antonio only smiled. "Can I kiss you?"

It was such an innocent question but it made Lovino feel so awkward and loved and utterly gay inside, that he had to hide his burning face and his growing smile.

"Shit, why do you have to ask, you bastard?... You know, you know you can, d-dammit." He looked at him and Antonio kissed him.

"Wait a minute Gil, they're kissing!" Francis almost shouted excitedly in the phone and Lovino broke the kiss. Shit, they were in a public place, he almost forgot about that.

"Fuck, I can't believe you, you pervert." He said, but he didn't push it any longer. He said that he's going to have a great day and he would do anything to have it.

Instead of giving that stupid smirk of his, Francis actually frowned and looked away. He started talking to Gilbert again but in a quieter voice. Lovino blinked at the weird reaction of his and he had the urge to fuck shit up again but he bit his lip and chose to ignore it. Fortunately, Antonio didn't seem to be bothered, only looking at the buildings around him, probably trying to find a good place to eat.

They walked the streets like that -since they didn't bother themselves with taking their bikes- and passed a multitude of pretty coloured and detailed buildings including The Torre del Oro, build initially as a prison in the middle ages, near the Guadalquivir river and El Salvador Church, built in the baroque style and particularly loved by Francis. They even passed Casa Pilatos after they ate something and they both sat there, in front of it, with their mouths open in amazement, staring at the breathtaking mix of Renaissance and Mudéjar styles while Antonio only drummed on his guitar, not caring about his surroundings, that bastard.

They reached the Metropol Parasol in the Encarnación square. The largest wooden sculpture in the world.

It looked like some mushrooms.

Francis loved it.

Lovino didn't as much.

"Ah, this is absolutely lovely!" Francis exclaimed while putting one hand on his chest. "A massive structure giving  _life_ and contemporary  _spirit_  to such an traditional and historical city. It's delightfully big! It's aesthetically pleasing! It's dynamic! A true masterpiece of the architectural world. I am feeling such a deep lo-"

"It's weird." Lovino interupted him.

Francis only looked at him with a frown and opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment his phone rang again, making him roll his eyes and shut his mouth.

" _Allô_?" He answered and then started blabbering, his frown gone and his face light. Huh, it seemed that he was really sought today. First Veneziano, then that white bastard who was definitely getting in trouble at this moment, then this unidentified person. He was only relieved that he didn't have a phone anymore that could work, so that bastard from yesterday couldn't call him anymore.

Antonio sat down on the stairs in front of the building, at shade, and drummed on his guitar, humming a song that Lovino didn't know. He sighed and sat down beside him, looking at the passing people.

"Is it legal to sit here?" He asked Antonio. "I mean, people are doing photos of the building. I don't think it's okay if we sit here."

Antonio chuckled and looked at him. "If there's a problem with that, well just move." He leaned in. "Can I kiss you?"

Lovino raised his shoulders and blushed. "Dammit, this is the second time, what the fuck is wrong with you? Yes, you bastard."

Antonio kissed his lips and then cheek. "I love you, sweetie."

"Yeah, yeah…" Lovino muttered. "I know." He looked away, trying to put off his blush. Dammit, that sweet bastard.

As Francis stood beside them with a hand running through his hair, making awful and weird thrusting movements with his hips while talking on the phone with God-knows-who and as Antonio was finally fully singing at his guitar and kissing his cheek, Lovino took the time to watch the people around them, blushing at the feeling of Antonio smiling and humming in his kisses.

Spanish girls sure we're cute but they reminded him of miss Carmen for some reason, all of them sun-kissed and brown-haired. They were beautiful, of course, but no woman could really compare with Italian ones. Of course, he couldn't generalize them, every girl of every race was different and beautiful in their own way. He maybe just had a type. Yeah. He really liked tanned people with green eyes and curly hair. And a big butt, let's not forget that.

Wait…

Dammit.

He looked at Antonio and put his hand on his cheek, stopping him from his kisses. Antonio blinked at him and blushed. Heh, he really loved these face touches, huh? Better take advantage of that later.

"Lovi?" Antonio asked, grinning broadly.

"Just play the guitar. I just wanted to make you stop, dammit. My cheek is all wet and gross." He rubbed his cheek in demonstration. It wasn't really that bad, it just made Lovino uncomfortable to be kissed so many times while people are making photos in your direction.

"Ahaha!~" Antonio scratched his neck and resumed in playing. "So… do you think we'll make money if I put the guitar case in front of me?"

Lovino rested his head in his hand. "Why don't you try it?"

Francis flopped down next to them but not before putting a newspaper under his French ass. Antonio put the case in front of them and played the guitar, some Latin songs or something. Lovino didn't know.

He stared in front of him absentmindedly, listening to the rich sounds of the music and taking in the smell of oranges from the breeze and he could say that it was a really nice ambiance. He felt...relaxed and content. Of course, as relaxed as you can be when the French bastard was sitting near them and when people were gathering around to listen to Antonio.

He only then noticed a petite girl and a tall man standing near them, but not near enough that he could hear them.

From this angle, Lovino could see that the girl looked uncomfortable with the guy, who was getting closer to her, mouthing some words. Lovino looked at them for some reason, remembering Eliza's blabbering about sexual assaults from yesterday from before Antonio bursted into the motorhome, and when the guy began to pull on her hijab, Lovino got up, interrupting Francis' 'Gil will be here in a min-."

"Hey, where are you going?" Antonio asked in the background but Lovino ignored him from the time being.

He approached them and put himself in front of her, crossing his arms and giving the guy the most hatred-filled look he could muster.

"Yo, can't you see you're upsetting the lady?"

The man only looked at him and smirked, saying something in Spanish. The girl whispered in broken English from behind him. "He said he's gonna beat ya if ya don't move."

Lovino clenched his jaw. "Well, I'm not gonna move, you moron. Take a hike."

The guy frowned and raised his fist to punch him, making Lovino wince in realization and fear of what's going to happen but as he closed his eyes he only heard a punching noise.

But the punch never came.

"Take THAT, you asshole!" Gilbert held the guy by his shirt, while Eliza was running to them.

"Hey, are you guys okay?" Eliza looked at the girl and smiled at her. Lovino nodded and decided to look at Gilbert, giving the ladies some privacy. He took a deep breath, his shoulders finally slumping. God, he was so fucking glad that Gilbert loved punching people and being punched.

Antonio came to his side and wiped his forehead. He looked a bit scared and relieved at the same time. "Lovi, I love you sweetie and you did a good thing, but  _please_ , never scare me so much next time you decide to get a beating."

Lovino only looked at him and shrugged. "I planned this. I heard Francis. Also, that guy was pulling on her headscarf. I had to do something." He said, even thought he didn't plan this at all.

"And thank God Gil was here on time." Antonio looked at Gilbert who successfully made that guy run for his life.

"Hey, I'm going to take her home safely, we'll meet in Spain Square, okay?" Eliza hugged the smaller girl rather protectively. She seemed to be crying silently. Eliza gave Lovino an understanding look and a motherly nod and Lovino blushed, holding his cheeks. She knew exactly why he's done it, she knew he didn't forget her monologue from yesterday.

"Okay."

And everyone took a deep breath and moved forward.

**XxX**

_Plaza de España_  was magical in the 8pm sun. The Venice of Seville.

It had a huge canal that followed the curve of the massive building and in the middle of it was the Plaza itself. Tourists filled this place, taking millions of photos of the Hogwarts-like building. Lovino thought this place was taken out of a fairytale.

The only problem that Lovino could think of was…

"IT'S TOO FUCKING HOT IN HERE!" Gilbert shouted and Lovino nodded in agreement. It was too fucking hot and you didn't really had many options for shade.

The plaza was colorful like the rest of the city with bold geometric shapes and the gigantic fountain was the only thing that kept you from melting in this hot summer day. That's why Gilbert was splashing around in it with his hands, laughing like a dumb monkey.

There wasn't much to do in here instead of taking photos and taking tours on the canal for about a hour, so because they had a limited amount of money, they spend around an hour there, just taking photos from different points of view.

They decided to exit and get an ice-cream from a small street near the plaza and then they got lost into some shady street. They didn't mind thought, they always had the phones and GPS with them. They found a kids playground that was strangely deserted, Eliza and Gilbert racing at who could swing the highest while Antonio laughed as he went down the slide. Lovino and Francis only watched them, sitting in the shade at a different corners of a bench, eating their ice-cream. It was a weird kind of ice-cream, named  _dulce de romero._ It tasted like rosemary and honey.

Lovino liked it. He liked weird things.

"Dear  _Antoine_ didn't get any money but we'll hopefully get to sing in one of the popular market streets." Francis said while looking away. Only then Lovino noticed a weird case beside him.

"What's that?" He pointed at it and Francis blinked.

"Oh, it's my ukulele!" He patted the case.

"Do you know how to sing at it?"

"Oh, well, of course!" Francis tucked his hair behind his ear with his slim, manicured fingers. He looked almost shy.

"Huh…" Lovino looked at him. Who would have know? "Why are you a design student then?"

Francis looked surprised at the question and he looked at the sky, thinking and holding his stubbled chin. "Well, you have to know that I went to the same school with Toni and Gil, even though Gil only stayed a few months and then left for London and then came back and left again." He was quiet for a moment, letting his hand fall in his pocket. "Of course we learned music there. We had to pick an instrument so Toni got the guitar, I took the ukulele and Gil is good with the flute." He looked at Antonio. "Guess that only I went further in art,  _Antoine_ giving up highschool to stay home with his daughter and Gilbert getting money from his blogging, even though I chose a different path."

A beat.

"I love it. Art, I mean. It makes me  _feel_." He held his chest gingerly. He didn't even say that it made him feel good, just feel. Lovino wondered what was up with that.

And with that he was silent. He chuckled and looked at Lovino. "Why I'm telling this to you?"

Lovino only crossed his arms and looked away. "You're right, I don't even care, dammit, so shut up." Even as he said that, he was still happy that he learned something from Antonio's past. He was about to let a smile escape, his lips twitching but then Francis shattered that urge with his annoying voice.

"I still don't like that you got involved with dear Toni that deeply. You're too of an vulgar ass for his gentle soul."

"I know, shut up."

"Good." A beat. "Never break his heart. I'll hurt you if you ever let him down. Understood?"

"You're not his mom." He said, clenching his jaw in annoyance and when he felt Francis eyes on him, judging him, he nodded.

"Good." He said one more time and with that the conversation was over.

Gilbert suddenly fell on his ass, right in front of Francis, scaring the crap out of him. Lovino snorted. Gilbert blinked a couple of times and then got up and pointed at Eliza, who was laughing hysterically.

"Ha! Beat ya! I was the highest so you owe me something now!"

Eliza held her mouth with her hand. "You still fell, so I win! It's only fair."

"Nuh uh, I won! Doesn't matter that I fell!"

"That's unfair." Eliza said but she only laughed, her eyes sparkling for the first time in this goddamn trip. Huh, Lovino only wondered why.

"Let's go and sing! My fingers are aching for the guitar!" Antonio slid down and got up from the slide. He was wearing a big smile and Lovino only thought how lucky he was to see that smile every day.

"Let's go."

**XxX**

" _She asked me to stay and she told me to sit anywhere."_

Francis and Antonio made a good pair, Antonio having a higher, dipped in honey voice and Francis having a lower, hoarse and deeply accented voice. Maybe that's why people were gathering around them, dropping coins in their cases.

" _But I looked around and I noticed there wasn't a chair."_

He had no idea about what the song was about but they were singing it perfectly, Francis strong voice covering up Antonio's sweet and more silent voice. Even then, Antonio brought gentleness into the song and Lovino let himself be enchanted.

" _I sat on a rug, biding my time, drinking her wine."_

Francis smiled at that.

" _We talked until two, and then she said, it's time for bed."_

Lovino sighed and looked around. People were ridiculously piling up here on the  _Avenida de la Constitución_  street, near the Sevilla Cathedral, which was built in that gorgeous Mudéjar style with Moorish and Gothic influences. Lovino couldn't even see Antonio anymore and he could barely hear him from the buzzing of the street, but he knew he was fine so he busied himself with taking photos of the cathedral. Dancers, singers, art performers and even writers were sitting at shade, doing their thing and filling the street with an content, but really crowded atmosphere. Also, pickpocketers.

"Hey, you!" He shouted at a lady who was blowing huge balloons. She looked at him, almost scared and she approached him when he made her a sign. "Can you blow the bubbles in front of me?" He prayed that she understood and when she nodded her head and smiled, he sighed and readied himself.

Fifteen photos, fifteen different view points and a shy giggle from the girl later and Lovino had the best pictures ever from every corner of the cathedral.

He noticed Eliza, sitting further away in a small portion of shade and looking at her phone blankly. Gilbert was nowhere on sight. He approached her and sat down next to her, running his hand through his hair.

"Pretty hot in here, huh?"

"Global warming." She put her phone away and smiled at him, acting like nothing bothered her on the phone. "Why did you do it?"

"Huh?"

"Why did you stand up for that girl? Many girls are approached or abused, sexually or not, so why her?"

Lovino looked at her and frowned, scratching his neck. "Uh…" He looked away. "Because she had a hijab. That asshole tried to pull it off. I had to do something."

"Why?"

Lovino looked at her, blinking. He bit his lip and fidgeted with his ring. Dammit, Eliza was really expecting something great coming out of his mouth? He didn't even know why he stood up for her, he just did! Also, Gilbert was the one who punched him, so he was the 'mighty saviour'. He almost rolled his eyes at the thought.

"Because…because...women in the Middle East are attacked for not wearing a hijab and here, in the west they are attacked for wearing one. So I just thought… it's not fair." Lovino looked away from Eliza's intense stare.

"You stole my words,  _that's_  not fair."

"Life isn't fair."

She was silent for a few minutes and then she put a hand on his knee. "You're a kind man, Lovino and I'm so sorry for everything that happened in your life to make you as sad and empty as yesterday. I'm truly sorry."

Lovino's breath hitched and he looked away, clenching his jaw. "Shut up."

"You know I can't." She giggled. "Just...next time you're in that mood just seek out me or dear Toni and we'll keep you company. We'll be there for you because we both love you. Differently of course, I would never steal someone's lover, but yeah. I love you like a brother, Lovino, even thought I know you for only one year. Don't forget this."

Lovino stared at her and wiped his hot tears that was threatening to escape. He took a deep breath and smiled awkwardly at her. "Thanks." His voice cracked.

"You always smile like you're about to cry. Don't cry, dear, you'll make me cry too." Eliza put her hand over her mouth and smiled, her eyes getting teary.

"Hey, what the fuck have you done to her?" Gilbert flopped himself right between Eliza and Lovino, making Eliza pout and Lovino roll his eyes.

"You destroyed an emotional moment in here Gil, fuck off." She slapped his hand from her shoulder.

"Why did you make her cry? That's so un-awesome." He addressed Lovino but before he could snap something back, Eliza snorted.

"He didn't make me cry you dumbass, I was making him cry. Now leave me alone, I have to find pretty foreign people so I could shoot them."

"Sounds cool, babe."

She got up and took him by the front of his shirt. "I'll show you how cool a 'babe' I am, don't ever call me that, ever again!"

"Woah, chill, crazy bitch!"

"Crap, are you kidding me? That's worse!"

Aaand the moment was indeed ruined. Crumbled down. Destroyed. Anihilated to the last atom. Fucking Gilbert. That's it, this was the last time he's gonna let his emotions run free like that. What the fuck was even in his mind, crying in front of Eliza because of some lovely words. Weak-ass bitch.

"I hope you burn in the sun, idiots." He muttered and got up, making his way through the crowd. He pushed a few people out of the way until he could finally see Antonio, strumming on his guitar like a madman. Even so, he wasn't aggressive. He never was. He looked up and smiled at Lovino when he noticed him.

Lovino only sat there with his camera in hand and when the song came to an end, he smirked. "Should I pay you now?"

Antonio thanked the people who were dropping money and leaving and then he gave his guitar to Francis. "Haha, no, of course not!"

"I was just joking."

"I know, haha." Antonio raised his arms and Lovino thought he wanted to fucking hug him. He took a step back and eyes him suspiciously. "Can you help me get up? My butt hurts."

"Oh, fuck, okay." Lovino took his hands and pulled him up. He rolled his eyes as Antonio stretched himself as if he wanted to touch the sun with his hands.

Only when Francis got up on his own Lovino realized that Antonio could've done it himself and that he only wanted to hold Lovino's hands, that manipulative bastard. Still, he didn't say anything about it because Antonio looked overjoyed, smiling like that and letting the sun kiss his dimpled face. Lovino blushed and slapped his cheeks, not wanting Antonio to see him like that.

Shit, Lovino felt that he is falling in love with him all over again.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" Gilbert came in a hurry, shouting and smirking at them. "Come with me guys! I have a surprise to show you!"

And everything went down from there.

**XxX**

"You brought weed?" Lovino asked as he sat cross-legged on the bed from the upper side of the motorhome, pajamas already put on.

"Is that even legal?" Eliza asked, an excited smile creeping over her face.

Francis got up from the bed violently and put on his pants again. "If we're going to smoke this, this atrocious thing then I wish to not be a part of it."

"Aww, come on man!"

"No, I'm going in the city again. I have a phone and everything and I'll be here later anyway to make sure you don't accidentally kill yourselves. I'm going to sleep at some lady so don't bug me with calls."

Gilbert didn't look so pleased and he wouldn't let it go. "Come on, Franny! Let's do it like in highschool! Let's smoke and have fun with eachother! Just like old times!"

"No, those years are gone, I'm cleaning myself." He put on his shirt and as he was about to exit the motorhome, he gave Gilbert one more look. Lovino couldn't deschiper it but it seemed that Antonio and Gilbert understood. "Please."

"Yeah, shit, I forgot about that. Sorry." Gilbert mumbled, scratching his neck and Lovino raised an eyebrow. What in the world they were talking about? He looked at Antonio but he looked away. Huh. It must've been something serious, judging from Gilbert's apology, after all, he was that kind of man that didn't really like to apologise.

"Thank you." Francis said and then he was gone.

A weird silence was set upon them. Gilbert looked downcast with his brows furrowed, looking guilty. Antonio only put an hand on Gilbert's knee and smiled at him sadly. Lovino didn't understand anything and it seemed that Eliza didn't either, judging from the confused looks she was giving them.

"Is that even legal?" Eliza asked again rather impatiently and annoyed and the pair seemed to snap out of it.

"I don't think so, but who cares! Here, take one." Gilbert said as he handed everyone a rolled joint.

Lovino took it hesitantly. "And what if we don't want to fucking smoke this?" Even so, he lighted it and took it to his mouth.

"Then you're all pussies, just like Francis." Gilbert lighted it too and smirked at him.

Eliza frowned and lighted the weed joint, taking it to her mouth. "Don't ever use that word again, ugh. Idiot." She muttered.

Antonio blinked at them and then turned to Lovino. "You smoke weed? Like, you did this before?"

Lovino winced. "Yeah, in highschool. I don't want to talk about it."

Gilbert took a drag and then snickered. "Man, what the fuck was up with highschool anyway? It seems that everyone lost it then."

"Right," Eliza added, "You lost it more than everyone, jumping out of windows when you were on the 4th floor, you idiot."

Antonio then snorted. It seemed that the weed already took it's took on them. "What even were you thinking then? That if you jump then you'll find a treasure or something?"

"Nah, man," Gilbert clenched his jaw and smirked, "I kept seeing these weird birds and I thought that if I jumped, I will fly with them and they will take me somewhere high."

Lovino smirked. "You were already high."

"Right." Gilbert flopped down on the bed in the middle of them and raised an arm to the ceiling. "I wish I was in highschool again, then I wouldn't have to say goodbye to Jeanne and Femke and João. Or even Franny's sister, man, she was so cool. I-!" Antonio slapped a hand on his mouth.

"Don't mention them. What is wrong with you?"

Gilbert slapped away his hand. "With  _me_? What's wrong with  _you_? Franny isn't here anymore! We can talk about them!"

"Franny isn't here but Lovi and Eliza are! Gil, we promised not to tell!"

Gilbert looked around him and saw Lovino, who was looking between them confusedly. Eliza, on the contrary, looked ready to slap him senseless.

"Shit, okay, okay, but why shouldn't talk about Femke then? Or about João?"

"Because!" But Antonio left it at that. Lovino wondered who those people were. He didn't deschiper the first name so he couldn't know about where they came from or if it was a girl or a boy. João thought, was definitely a Portuguese male name. He clenched his jaw and took a long drag from the joint. He needed to ask Antonio about that later.

"I'm hungry, do we have anything in here?" Eliza got up and went to search the refrigerator. She took a few cans of beer and a few snacks and threw them on the bed with full force, trying to hit the spot from the low point, just like basketball. It was a good move, she broke the tension.

"There is chocolate in the cupboards!" Antonio seemed to forget everything that happened -or he just ignored it- and started to chuckle.

Eliza took the chocolate and threw it at Antonio like it was a basketball. "Whoooohooooo!" She shouted as she hit Antonio in the face with it.

Gilbert whistled and even Lovino loosened up and shouted, "Fuck yeah!"

Antonio only giggled and opened the packet.

They opened the cans and drank while they smoked. It was nice, Lovino had to admit. Gilbert took the remote and flickered through the channels, leaving it on Looney Tunes. Lovino didn't like that, demanding that he's too old for that shit but soon he began enjoying it, giggling and snickering at the silly characters.

"Man, I am so in love with Tweety Pie, I would fuck her."

"It's a he." Eliza corrected.

"Damn, now it's all ruined for me, thanks a bunch."

"I would probably fuck Sylvester, don't even ask me why." Lovino hit Antonio's chest. "Who would you fuck?" He asked him, not even taking his eyes off the TV.

Antonio snorted and tapped his chin in thought. "I don't know, Marvin? Since he doesn't have a mouth and all."

"Why would you want to fuck something without a mouth?" Eliza asked him.

Antonio only smirked excitedly. "Well imagine this, the sex would be out of this world since he's a Martian and all."

At that everyone bursted into laughter. Lovino had to hold his stomach and gasp for air.

"Okay, okay, that was a good one. Eliza, you?" Lovino asked.

Eliza didn't miss a beat. "The Tasmanian Devil."

"What the fuck Eliza? He's ugly as fuck! Have some decency." Gilbert hollered.

Eliza just sneered. "Have you seen that guy's energy and muscles? He could fucking raw me so hard and long, honestly."

"Raphael didn't die for this shit." Lovino said and then snorted. The others laughed too but Lovino was sure they didn't understand the joke.

"Fucking furries." Gilbert said and shook his head. He continued watching the show.

"Hey! Look who's talking!" Antonio shouted and rubbed his eye. "You're the one who wants to fuck a little bird! At least mine is not an animal!"

Lovino would've felt hot and bothered at Antonio's accent that curled on the word 'fuck' in any other situation than this but here he was, his libido deceased to the lowest point.

"Wait, what even are we talking about?" Gilbert scratched his neck and everyone snickered at him.

They continued to talk like that and watch Looney Tunes until 6am.

"When I grow up," Eliza drowned her can of beer and threw it on the floor, smiling, "I'm going to establish myself as a writer who never writes straight couples, only gay ones. Then one day, after I published at least ten books and become famous, I'm going to introduce a straight couple." She giggled at the others who were staring at her like she was the salvation. "I'm going to make them the healthiest couple without even saying they're in a relationship. I'll keep it subtext most of the time but even so, they will be as developed as my gay army. Then, just as their life will seem the best thing you've ever seen, I'm gonna kill one, just for the drama."

"Why the fuck would you do that?" Gilbert slapped his forehead.

"So that straight people who write gays can feel the anguish gay people feel when they're reading about the death of their favourite character. Serves them right."

"You're cruel, holy shit." Lovino snickered.

"I also want to speak against rape and abuse, or something, y'know? Like seminars or something. What you guys doing in the future, huh? I bet no future is better than mine." Eliza particularly looked at Gilbert and smirked.

Gilbert took the bait. "Nuh-uh, mine would be the most awesome future!" He shifted his position to look all of them in the eye and he began telling his stoner story.

"Im going to love a girl and marry her and live happily ever after with her but there will be a catch." Gilbert drank his beer. "I will never buy her flowers. They're stupid and worthless and they die too fast. I will buy her a rock. Rocks are strong. Roks don't die after two days."

"Diamonds."

"Huh?"

"You're thinking about diamonds. The word you're looking for are diamonds, you idiot." Lovino repeated.

Gilbert only snorted and dismissed Lovino with his hand. "Diamonds are overpriced and far too common. I'm gonna hand-forge two engagement rings and etch a script into them. When the time comes, I'm gonna give one to my bitch and we're going to use the rings to ensnare the world leaders and then take over the world. And when I sit on the supreme throne and my wife is sitting on my lap, I'm gonna give her a rock, remembering the good old days. It's gonna be ao awesome!"

"There are literally two trilogies that tells you why engraving a ring is a bad and stupid idea." Eliza slapped the back of his head. "Also, my future is more realistic."

"Yeah, but mine is more awesome than yours!" He laughed.

"You guys?" Eliza ignored him and asked Lovino and Antonio.

Antonio slapped his tights with his palms and smiled brightly at them. "A future with Lovi and Lucía, of course! The two cutest things in the universe! I'd also like to finish highschool someday!"

"My fucking God, you didn't smoke enough." Gilbert said.

"You're so fucking boring." Lovino snikered but even so, a warm feeling of happiness spread out in his belly.

"You?" Antonio asked him with big, red eyes and Lovino smirked. It was his time to shine.

"I'm going to be the best mathematician in the whole world to create a time machine so I could go back in time to do exactly three things." Lovino ate a piece of chocolate.

"The first thing is to raw Leonardo da Vinci so hard that he can't walk for three days straight. Then I'm going to go and get Julius Caesar addicted to hentai. And last but not least, I'm going to seduce Cleopatra." Lovino waited a bit and at the weird faces of the others he snickered and continued.

"You might wonder how I'm going to seduce Cleopatra because you're all morons who can't remember 5th grade history, so I'm gonna explain it to you. It's simple. I'm gonna marry a tall and fat guy, fatter and taller than Antonio. Fatness was considered hot and sexy back then and it showed you had lots of money with which you could fill up that stomach with yours. And also, if you were tall, like really tall, 180cm tall, is unreasonably gigantically tall in the BC times."

He pointed at his head and tapped his forehead. "So Cleopatra would be like 'A giant? AND he got scretch marks?' and she'll instantly feel infatuated with my boyfriend thick roundness. He will become royalty and he will live with her for the rest of his days. Meanwhile, I'm going to be their safeguard, the one who sacrifices for them since my boyfriend loves me and he can't get rid of me that easily."

"That's not as great as mine!" Gilbert shouted.

"No, but think about this you tickhead. I will live in royalty too. I will always live with my boyfriend AND Cleopatra under the same fucking roof. We're gonna be a polyamorous couple, isn't that cool as fuck?"

"Shit, I guess?"

"You're damn right you guess." Lovino nodded at him.

"No but really, what do you guys want to be in the future?"

Lovino snorted. "Who the fuck knows?"

Gilbert agreed. "Yeah, besides Antonio, nobody has a plan."

They were quiet for a moment, melancholy and anxiety for the future begining to set inside of their hearts. Lovino didn't know if he's going to be a successful photographer or even an assistant, or he's going to wash dishes in an restaurant somewhere far away from everybody he knows and that scared him to death. He cleared his throat and looked the others in the eye, not wanting this self pity to continue.

"Let's go in the city to eat something. I'm getting hungrier with every bite of this damn chocolate."

And everyone was back to normal.

"I'm not hungry anymore, the snacks are just fine." Eliza giggled for no reason. "Shit, I'm drunk. I don't know if I can stand."

"Yeah I'm not hungry either, you two go." Gilbert took Eliza by the shoulders and laid her completely into the bed.

"Don't forget to use a condom!" She shouted and Antonio gave her a nod. Lovino rolled his eyes. They were gonna eat, not fuck.

"Right, I'm just going to put her off to sleep." Gilbert said.

Lovino looked at Antonio who was smiling at him. Lovino blushed and let a giggle escape his mouth. He got up from the bed and planned on getting off on the ladder but he miscalculated his footing and fell on the floor, hitting the stove with his hand. Antonio rushed to him and took him off the ground while Gilbert and Eliza just laughed away.

"Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?"

Lovino looked at him and then he winced. "Fuck. Yeah I'm fine." He got up and then he didn't even bother to get dressed. He only put on a jacket and some crocks and threw a jacket to the still concerned Antonio.

"Put that on and let's go. God, I swear that my future self would hate me for going outside like this."

Antonio complied and then Gilbert threw them the phone, which landed on the floor instead of landing in their hands.

"Aww, come on, what the fuck guys?"

Antonio picked it up and checked if it's still working. "It's on! Thanks Gil!"

"Nice!"

Lovino opened the door and almost hit Francis in the mouth. He shrieked. "Jesus Christ, don't scare me like that, asshole!"

"Where are you going?" He asked them and got past them to enter the motorhome. " _Mon Dieu_ , what in the world happened here? It smells like a ranch!"

"We had an awesome party! Not like you would've been invited!" Gilbert hollered from upstairs, showing Francis a can of beer.

Francis winced. "Talking nonesense as usual." He then turned around to the other two. "Where are you going?"

"In the city! We're hungry!" Antonio smiled excitedly and before Francis could say anything else, Antonio was already dragging Lovino with him out the door. "We have phones! We'll be here soon!"

They only heard a distant 'but i got food.' ant out they were, running and laughing like they just smoked away their problems.

**XxX**

Gilbert's phone rang as they were exiting the restaurant, if it could be called like that. Shit's too disgusting at McDonald's to have the honour of being named like that.

Lovino took it out of his jacket and looked at the caller. Luddy.

Antonio looked at him warningly but Lovino only smirked and answered the phone.

"You won't believe this,  _Luddy,_  but Gilbert got himself killed! I know right? What a fucking dumbass! I had to clean up the house from his blood and gutters, it was disgusting but at the same time exciting! You wouldn't believe how much blood can be spilled from just one person! He-" Antonio took the phone before Lovino could say anything else.

"Um, yeah, Antonio here, don't listen to him Ludwig. We're not with Gil now but we're going to meet with him soon so if you have a message to give him I could tell him?" Antonio grabbed Lovino's arm before he hit a lamppost. Lovino only glared at it.

" _Err...ahem, yes._ " Ludwig cleared his throat, probably overwhelmed because of Lovino's words. Ha! Serves him right! " _I actually wanted to speak with Lovino, if it's possible. Or, um...if he's avabile?_ "

Lovino took the phone again. "What do you want?" He asked, his voice dropping warningly.

" _Um, it's about Feliciano_."

His blood ran cold. "What?"

" _He left. He-"_

"What the fuck do you mean he left?"

" _I'm trying to explain it, please calm down_."

Lovino would've shouted at him again but now his heart was beating crazily in his chest. "Just speak already, dammit."

" _Feliciano left this morning. He packed his bags and literally left without saying anything. He's not responding to his phone either. Should I be worried_?"

"Huh…" Lovino only murmured. He frowned, as if he forgot something important. "Could you wait a minute?" He asked and put the phone on his chest, not waiting for that bastard's answer.

"Hey, what's the date?"

Antonio looked at him questioningly and scratched his chin. "Umm, we haven't planned a date. Do you want to go on a date?"

"No, fuck, what day is today, dammit?"

"Ah, the fifth of June? I think?"

"Shit." He put the phone back to the ear. "Don't worry your stupid little head, he's in Italy. He's going back home after two days so you better forget about him until then."

" _Um...alright but, why isn't he responding_?"

"He doesn't want to because of a personal matter so shut the fuck up and accept it."

" _Alright then. Thank you, Lovino_."

"Don't even fucking mention this to anybody or I'll kill Gilbert with my own two hands."

Silence. " _Um, okay. Also, me and Feliciano cleaned your room."_  And then he hung up.

Lovino let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and put the phone back in his pocket. "Shit, I don't like that bastard at all."

"Why?" Antonio asked him.

"I don't know but I know that I'll never forgive him for what he did."

Antonio looked surprised. "What did he do?"

Lovino only frowned at him. "I don't fucking know Antonio but I bet he did something to piss me off like an year ago or something." He couldn't remember what but he still got chills of embarrassment when he thought about that time he first met him. "Let's just go and see if those two shitty bastards didn't already kill Francis."

"And then you'll paint my back!" Antonio laughed excitedly.

"And then I'll paint your back." Lovino muttered and shok his head. What a stupid thing to be excited about.

**XxX**

"I didn't even get to see  _La Mar de Flores_." Lovino muttered as he concentrated on getting the rose perfect. He shifted his position, not because he was uncomfortable but because he liked getting Antonio excited at the mere move on his perfect ass.

Holy shit his ass! You could pull the fucking Golden Ratio on his butt and it would be perfectly aligned, what the entire fuck?

"Mmmm...it is permanently closed. If we went there a few years earlier…" Antonio looked at him from his shoulder, a gesture that could make Lovino faint if he was in the mood. But he wasn't.

"And I missed so many other things that I don't even know about." Lovino signed. He knew it was impossible to see the whole city in just one day but he also knew that he could've seen more.

Antonio chuckled and ran his hand through his hair. "Don't worry sweetie, we'll see it later. We can always come back."

"If we come back." Lovino muttered.

"We will. Someday." Antonio whispered.

Lovino didn't respond, deciding that self pity won't help in this situation and he continued to paint Antonio's back. From upstairs -if it could be called like that- they could hear Eliza and Gilbert laughing, probably at eachother. Francis was probably the third wheel whenever he stayed with them or with Lovino and Antonio, that poor bastard.

"Hey, what's the deal with that albino bastard and Eliza anyway? Are they together?" Because if they were, Lovino would be judging them. That's not a way to act with your lover, punching them and telling them how much they hate eachother. Eliza even spit on his face some time ago, what the fuck?

"Um, no… they're just friends. Gilbert says that sometimes he has fantasies of her future husband dying on a train explosion or boat explosion or something. He often described them to me and Francis and they're rather… explicit."

"What an asshole." Lovino muttered and then he was silent again.

He loved this atmosphere, this gentle and calming ambiance that made Lovino relax completely. It was his favourite thing to do with Antonio, staying in silence together, hidden from the other's eyes. He felt vulnerable but strangely calm, and just looking into Antonio's eyes made him trust him more and more everyday. The lights were dimmed and soft, the only things heard being their breathing and the others' laugher from upstairs. It smelled strangely like tomato soup and paint but that was probably because Francis was cooking something. It was a time ripped out of a fairytale.

Intimacy.

That was the word for it. Intimacy. The bonding moments like this where they touched, body, soul and mind.

Lovino loved tracing his fingers on Antonio's tanned skin that would've been perfect, if it didn't have those grotesque marks on his hip and back. Lovino wanted to ask him about them so many times but he was scared. Scared of what he would hear.

"Does these hurt?" He softly asked him while tracing a scar with his paintbrush, making a leaf out of it.

"Not anymore." Antonio looked away and sighed. "Does yours hurt?"

Lovino looked at him and frowned in confusion. "Mine?"

Antonio didn't say anything, only looking at his arms. Lovino understood, avoiding his intense gaze. He went back to painting, an unpleasant feeling rising in the pit of his stomach. "No." He responded. He had the urge to throw away the paintbrush and to destroy the sheets in water and paint but he only clenched his jaw. God, it was hard talking about fucking scars. Even so, he added, "they're only sensitive to touch."

"Ah." Antonio only said and then the conversation was over. Lovino continued to paint. Antonio continued to stare at the wall in thought. The guys from upstairs laughed. And it was okay.

"I'm done." Lovino announced after a while and he dropped the paintbrush in the water. He got his camera from beside him and told Antonio not to move. Antonio only looked at him from his shoulder and smiled at the picture, holding up a peace sign.

"Goddammit, Antonio, you're gonna ruin it!" Even as he said that, he still snapped the picture and when he looked at it with analyzing eyes he still thought it was the best picture he had ever taken in his life.

He swallowed and got up from Antonio's butt, blushing like a madman. Antonio only stretched himself, making one of his shoulders pop audibly.

"NAP TIME!" Eliza shouted as she knocked on their door. Antonio looked at Lovino.

"It's so weird that we have to sleep at two pm."

"Yeah."

"I need to take a shower so this thing on my back will be completely ruined. Such a shame of your hard work. And the leg too." Antonio sighed. He got up and put his hands on his hips, smiling brightly, but mischievously. "Do you want to help me get it off?"

Lovino only blinked a few times and then blushed. He slapped his cheeks and looked away. "Shit, are you saying what I think you're saying? Because if you are, the answer is no."

Antonio's face fell. "No? Are you alright?"

He ran his fingers through his hair. "Of course, you dumbass, I'm just not in the mood. I'll help you wash it of, but no sex."

"Oh, okay then!" Antonio was himself again.

They exited the room and told Eliza -who was weirdly sleeping alone in the hammock and not with the others for unknown reason, even since day one- goodnight and then they entered the bathroom.

"This bathroom is too damn small for two people." Lovino muttered.

They got undressed and got under the shower stream, Lovino wincing at the cold droplets of water that hit his body. He hated that they couldn't have at least warm water but this is life. Fucking with Lovino since he was born.

He sighed and looked into Antonio's eyes, noticing how his hair almost got in them. He chuckled and removed a wet strand from his forehead, resting his hand on Antonio's cheek.

He wanted to ask him so many questions, about the scars, about Lucía, about those guys, João and Femke, about his father, about everything that made Antonio, Antonio. But. He couldn't. Not now.

He lightly pat Antonio's cheek.

He's not going to ask him anything. He's going to let Antonio come to him, telling him on his own. He knew it wasn't easy, he knew that he had to do the same thing, but it would be worth it.

"Just turn around, you dumbass. I need to wash your back, not chest."

Antonio only chuckled and turned around, but not before giving him a kiss on the forehead. Lovino's lips curved upwards on his red face.

Someday, it would be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note 1: Lovino's stoner future is based on a Tumblr post and what I dreamt about that post, combined.
> 
> Note 2: The joke about Raphael was put there just because, fun fact, Raphael, the Renaissance painter, literally fucked himself to death. I had to say that.
> 
> Note 3: The joke with the engraved rings references The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R Tolkien.
> 
> Note 4: Gilbert is such an asshole in this, I love it!


End file.
